update on our life

Hi all:

It's been a long time since I have been posting consistently.  I feel like I need to update you all as to the status of my life with Evan.  First of all, all is well.  We are both in good health, and our families are well, and our jobs are going well.  So that's all good.  I have nothing bad to report.

Regarding our spanking life, it has progressed in some ways since I first started blogging a few years ago.  When I started blogging, we thought of ourselves of a female-dominant couple, but I would say that we have progressed away from that.  I think we both like that idea in principle, but it turns out that Evan isn't a very good submissive (yet?).  Don't get me wrong: I love him for who he is.  But he has this idea that he will be submissive to me, and do whatever I say, but when push comes to shove, he doesn't always do what I ask him to, at least not at the moment when I ask him.  On several occasions, I have tried to spank him when he disobeys, but that doesn't always work: he often resists.  If we are going to be a true wife-led couple, then he needs to submit when *I* say so.  But he doesn't always do so.  There are times when we have disagreed on a course of action, and so I told him that he should obey me or get a spanking.  At those times, he neither obeyed me nor took the spanking.  Granted, I wasn't always perfectly reasonable or 100% in the right, but it made our goal of being a female-dominant couple difficult: at these times, we were not succeeding.  (Or I should say: Evan was not succeeding: he takes responsibility for these failures.)

I am not complaining.  We love each other just as much as always.  Evan is generally the sweetest, most loving husband that I could have ever dreamed of being with.  He does whatever I want almost all the time, and he looks out for my needs long in advance, and prepares accordingly.  But we are still not quite a wife-led couple, because we do sometimes have conflicts, and those conflicts aren't simply resolved by me, as they would be in a true wife-led relationship.  I have just come to learn that Evan's fantasies aren't exactly his reality, at least not all the time.  And we have both learned to accept each other's character traits, whether they fit with some ideal or not.  I think much of the issue is due to stressful lives outside our sex / home life.  We both work long hours, and we bring a lot of the stresses from work home with us.  If we didn't have so many of these, we could probably let go and be more relaxed sexual beings more of the time.  But reality is complex: for the time being we will enjoy all the fun we have together, whether we are a wife-led couple, or a more traditional equality-based couple.  Evan will keep striving to be more of a wife-led man, and I applaud him for that.  But I won't be disappointed if we end up as an equality-based couple.  That's fine with me too.

One down side of being a more equality-based couple is that I haven't been able to spank Evan as much as I would like.  Perhaps I may have overdone it in the first few years together, so that Evan is now scared of getting strapped to my bench.  I understand this: I certainly wouldn't want to endure the kind of spanking that I give Evan when he is strapped to my bench.  But he and I are not really the same psychologically.  I think he still craves the spankings that I can give him there.  So we are now taking a more sexual approach to getting him to get back on my bench: I am planning to get him on the bench this coming weekend.  I will probably need to excite him sexually first to get him there, but once there, I hope to give him a pleasant reminder of the fun that I like to dish out while he is on the bench.  (Don't worry, sweetheart: I will go easy on you this time.  I want you to come back over and over!)

While we haven't been doing as much spanking recently as we used to (maybe once a month if I am lucky right now), I have been able to peg Evan pretty regularly.  I will talk about that in my next post, where I will discuss prostate milking, one of our new favorite pastimes.

Before I go, I want to say hi to Ken over at Spankedbymylady: thanks for the emails, Ken, and keep up the good work, Cora!

I also want to say hi to Julie, from strictjulie fame: Evan and I have greatly enjoyed your new blog.  You and david are a pleasure to read about.

Talk to you soon,

Deirdre

I guess I can see why Evan doesn't like this!  He says it hurts, and I believe him.

But it's good for him, and he knows it. And I love it! (By the way, the watch in my hand is to time the spanking.  He gets periods of 1-4 minutes of straight spanking while he is strapped to my bench.)