Wednesday, August 29, 2012

update on our life


Hi all:

It's been a long time since I have been posting consistently.  I feel like I need to update you all as to the status of my life with Evan.  First of all, all is well.  We are both in good health, and our families are well, and our jobs are going well.  So that's all good.  I have nothing bad to report.

Regarding our spanking life, it has progressed in some ways since I first started blogging a few years ago.  When I started blogging, we thought of ourselves of a female-dominant couple, but I would say that we have progressed away from that.  I think we both like that idea in principle, but it turns out that Evan isn't a very good submissive (yet?).  Don't get me wrong: I love him for who he is.  But he has this idea that he will be submissive to me, and do whatever I say, but when push comes to shove, he doesn't always do what I ask him to, at least not at the moment when I ask him.  On several occasions, I have tried to spank him when he disobeys, but that doesn't always work: he often resists.  If we are going to be a true wife-led couple, then he needs to submit when *I* say so.  But he doesn't always do so.  There are times when we have disagreed on a course of action, and so I told him that he should obey me or get a spanking.  At those times, he neither obeyed me nor took the spanking.  Granted, I wasn't always perfectly reasonable or 100% in the right, but it made our goal of being a female-dominant couple difficult: at these times, we were not succeeding.  (Or I should say: Evan was not succeeding: he takes responsibility for these failures.)

I am not complaining.  We love each other just as much as always.  Evan is generally the sweetest, most loving husband that I could have ever dreamed of being with.  He does whatever I want almost all the time, and he looks out for my needs long in advance, and prepares accordingly.  But we are still not quite a wife-led couple, because we do sometimes have conflicts, and those conflicts aren't simply resolved by me, as they would be in a true wife-led relationship.  I have just come to learn that Evan's fantasies aren't exactly his reality, at least not all the time.  And we have both learned to accept each other's character traits, whether they fit with some ideal or not.  I think much of the issue is due to stressful lives outside our sex / home life.  We both work long hours, and we bring a lot of the stresses from work home with us.  If we didn't have so many of these, we could probably let go and be more relaxed sexual beings more of the time.  But reality is complex: for the time being we will enjoy all the fun we have together, whether we are a wife-led couple, or a more traditional equality-based couple.  Evan will keep striving to be more of a wife-led man, and I applaud him for that.  But I won't be disappointed if we end up as an equality-based couple.  That's fine with me too.

One down side of being a more equality-based couple is that I haven't been able to spank Evan as much as I would like.  Perhaps I may have overdone it in the first few years together, so that Evan is now scared of getting strapped to my bench.  I understand this: I certainly wouldn't want to endure the kind of spanking that I give Evan when he is strapped to my bench.  But he and I are not really the same psychologically.  I think he still craves the spankings that I can give him there.  So we are now taking a more sexual approach to getting him to get back on my bench: I am planning to get him on the bench this coming weekend.  I will probably need to excite him sexually first to get him there, but once there, I hope to give him a pleasant reminder of the fun that I like to dish out while he is on the bench.  (Don't worry, sweetheart: I will go easy on you this time.  I want you to come back over and over!)

While we haven't been doing as much spanking recently as we used to (maybe once a month if I am lucky right now), I have been able to peg Evan pretty regularly.  I will talk about that in my next post, where I will discuss prostate milking, one of our new favorite pastimes.

Before I go, I want to say hi to Ken over at Spankedbymylady: thanks for the emails, Ken, and keep up the good work, Cora!

I also want to say hi to Julie, from strictjulie fame: Evan and I have greatly enjoyed your new blog.  You and david are a pleasure to read about.

Talk to you soon,

Deirdre

I guess I can see why Evan doesn't like this!  He says it hurts, and I believe him.

But it's good for him, and he knows it. And I love it! (By the way, the watch in my hand is to time the spanking.  He gets periods of 1-4 minutes of straight spanking while he is strapped to my bench.)

14 comments:

  1. Hi

    First off Ken and Cora are an inspiration to us all and very nice people. Love them. Equally Ms. Julie is amazing and a hot and fun lady, love her as well. Example to all of us for a wonderful marraige and partnership.

    You Ma'am, are equally an insoiration and this is a heart warming post from you. Perhaps you two will get back to some nice otk spankings but I adore the fact that you love your man so much. All the crap and fun aside, this is what it is all about, mutual respect and love, spankings and what not aside, you still love your man, that is just so warming.

    Be well and thank you for all you do for all of us out here.

    Always
    Ron

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    1. Thanks for all the kind words, Ron. I appreciate it very much.

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  2. Long time reader, first time commenter. I enjoy the blog and I'm happy to see that you're posting again. Thank you for taking the time to do so. I'm looking forward to your post on prostate milking; it is frequently hard to find realistic descriptions on that topic.

    --Robert

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    1. Hi Robert:

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. For some reason, it's especially nice to get comments.

      Regarding prostate milking, I have almost finished writing that post. Yes, I agree: it's very hard to find useful information out there on this topic. I hope to correct that.

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  3. Hi Deirdre, glad to see you back.

    I think that maybe your relationship is maturing, and finding its wah. I lived this lifestyle for ten years and left it with no regrets. I of course cannot speak for anybody but myself, but I think that what happends is that being spanked, or dominated, is a sexual thing, and when one is not feeling sexual they want to be treated like an adult, with the option to make their own choices and not have to be punished if someone else does not approve. In my case after a period of some years being in control became a convenient thing for her. For instnace, she started deciding how we would spend our leasure time, and if I did not like it I was spanked. Sometimes just for body language. I grew to resent that.

    I would say that the most important thing for you two is to communicate and be respectful of each others needs.

    This is too complex a subject to properly address here but I hope maybe I have helped a bit.

    Eric

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    1. Hi Eric:

      Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I don't know if our relationship is "maturing" but it does change from year to year, and that's fine. We are doing great together as a couple, and that's what's important.

      For me, the point of the blog is just to get the information out there that it's ok to like to be spanked / dominated by your partner, and it doesn't have to be threatening to your partner (the woman, in my case) to have a partner that wants this stuff. Of course, there are infinite variations in any likes and dislikes that people may have. What's most important is to be with someone that you love and that loves you, and that there is lots of mutual respect and caring. This sounds so cliche', but it's true.

      I am glad that you found your way happily over the years, and I am sorry for the pain that you must have felt in ending the last relationship.

      Deirdre

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  4. Your husband needs to comprehend that there is no halfway house on this road. You are either HOH or you are not. He cannot get his spankings just for his erotic satisfaction - if he wants you to be the boss then it is a 24/7 position.
    He is lucky to have you as you are obviously inventive and thoughtful.
    Best wishes
    Michael

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    1. Hi Michael:

      Thanks for the comment on my blog. I almost always appreciate a comment, even if I don't always agree.

      I guess by your definition, I am not head of household (HOH). But that's ok: we are happy in our arrangement.

      Evan does get a lot of erotic pleasure in his spankings. Not at the time of the spankings themselves, but before and after. That's good as far as we are concerned.

      You might think that it might be fun to live in a relationship where one has no control, but that wouldn't work for us. To each his or her own.

      Thank you for the compliment regarding my inventiveness. Yes, I think Evan and I are both creative people. It's fun to be with him.

      Deirdre

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  5. Thank you for the shout out, Deirdre! You blog was an inspiration to me and I am so glad you are back at it. I have the same problem with david a bit. We have to be scening for him to really submit, so it's all a bit make-believe because of that. On the other hand, I get to say when a 'scene' starts, it's part of our deal. Evil grin.

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    1. Hi Julie:

      I am very happy to have inspired you. You are now an inspiration to me and Evan. We are always interested in trying new things, and you have laid out a bunch of possibilities. One that I would like to try sometime is get an erotic massage. That sounds so heavenly!

      Deirdre

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  6. Thank you for resuming your posts. This post confirms what has been true about your blog from the start -- genuine. I have commented in the past about just the uncertainty in my mind, and resulting ambiguity in the situation. I hope you'll continue to let us know how things develop. Michael

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind comment. Yes, I will try to keep things going on the blogging front. Evan is going to lead a bit from now on.

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  7. Thank you for the update, and your perspectives on the little issues that reality bring up on this path
    Sigh, still wishing Wife would peg me, LOL! :)

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Sometimes Spanked.

      Why won't your partner peg you? How sad! I love pegging Evan very much. He's so incredibly submissive when he is being fucked in his butt: so cute!

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