Sunday, February 21, 2010

Our sex life

Sorry I have been away for so long: I meant to post last weekend, but I got too busy with work-related issues. I want to post every week, but sometimes I won't be able to do so. That's how life is sometimes.

This week I wanted to talk briefly about Evan's and my sex life. I think that I am like many women (and probably many men too) in that I only engage in sexual acts in the context of my relationship. I am generally only excited in the context of my love for Evan (and in previous relationships, in my love for my previous partners), so Evan and I have sexual contact only with each other.

Our sex life is only tangentially related to spanking. Whereas spanking turns both of us on, it doesn't lead to love-making most of the time. Evan and I engage in typical sex a few times per week. When we make love, I generally have Evan go down on me. I love it when he licks my pussy: I get the best orgasms that I have ever had in my life that way. (They are absolutely incredible!) I also enjoy penetrative sex a lot, even though I don't come this way. I love Evan's cock: it's big and thick, and it fills me up. We like all positions, but I like sex from behind the best. I feel a bit out of control when Evan pounds into me from behind. I do this to him sometimes too, with a dildo in his bottom, so he knows how this feels. (I will talk about taking him from behind in a later post.) Evan has never and will never take me in my bottom: his penis is too thick for me. I like something small in my anus sometimes (like Evan's little finger or his tongue) but his penis is never going to fit there. So I will be the only one having anal sex in our relationship.

When we have sex, I almost always like to have an orgasm, but we sometimes engage in tease and denial for Evan, where I will get Evan very excited repeatedly, getting him close to orgasm, but then not let him come. We have some fun rituals in that area that I will talk about later. I really enjoy tease and denial, but it's not always practical, if we each have a lot of work to do. That is, if Evan is very worked up from not coming, he isn't as able to focus on his work, which is not ideal. And if I am very busy at work, I just can't get too involved in sex: I may need to focus on work. We therefore don't always engage in tease and denial. But when we do, it's a lot of fun for both of us.

This blog is about spanking, so here are a few more pictures from the last spanking I was showing you. In the first picture, Evan's bottom is getting nice and red. I spanked very hard in this spanking, and his bottom showed it nicely.

In this second shot, you can see his legs come off the ground again, a sure sign that he is losing control. (Remember that I like his legs relaxed, with the toes pointing away.)

He is really starting to lose control in the next few pictures. So much so, that he is starting to twist on me again. This means we will have to stop to get him straightened out, and then start up again, until I can get 40 or 50 hard spanks in a row. I will then do this a couple of times.

Eventually, I will show you some pictures of Evan strapped to our spanking bench (to be discussed in future posts). When he is strapped down, he can't move at all, and I give him several non-stop minutes of hard spanking. I like the bench a lot: it's very entertaining to hear him yowl, when he can't move away at all. Evan is not as big a fan of the bench as I am - he is really scared of it - but I can coax him to get strapped down about once every month or two.

Finally, please keep the comments coming. I very much like the interaction in the comments section. If you aren't comfortable commenting publicly, please drop me an email. I answer all emails and comments.

Talk to you all soon. Deirdre.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Scolding my husband during spanking

Several of you have asked me if I lecture or scold Evan while I am spanking him. I am not sure if "lecturing" or "scolding" are quite the right words for what I do, but I definitely talk to him during spanking. I never yell: I speak calmly and forcefully. I end up telling him very similar things across different spankings:

First, I tell him to stay in position. As you can see from the pictures, he squirms a lot. I like the fact that my spanking hurts his bottom so much, but the squirming hurts my legs at times, because he is a big man. So I am often telling him to stop moving around. (Sometimes I do tie him down, so he can't squirm, but that is a topic for a later entry.)

Second, I ask him why I am spanking him. I can tell that he doesn't like it when I ask this. He doesn't like to tell me why he is being spanked. The reasons are usually pretty simple: he may have been a bit curt or impolite with me at some point during the day or the previous week. Alternatively, if he has been well behaved, then I want him to tell me that he needs my discipline. It seems difficult for him to articulate these reasons to me while he is over my knee, but I will wait. I will spank for a little while, making him really feel it, then stop so that I can hear that he understands why he is getting this. It's good for our communication to bring this out during the spanking. It may be somewhat hard for him, but it's good for him, and I enjoy it. I like to make him do things that are hard for him.

Third, he complains a lot while he is getting spanked. He says things like "It hurts! It hurts so much!" over and over. It's actually kind of funny to listen to: he seems surprised how much it hurts every time that we start a spanking, and he will say these sentences repeatedly. I laugh inside, but I respond too: I tell him that of course it hurts. It's meant to hurt. I tell him that it's ok, he can cry if it hurts a lot, that that will make him feel better. I tell him that crying will really let his feelings out.

(Evan rarely cries, however, unless I am truly annoyed with him, and he has let me down in some way. This is quite unusual for us / him. He has cried during a spanking a few times, but those were times when he felt very sorry for doing something that had hurt me or someone else. He has been generally well behaved for a long time now (probably because we are both so happy with each other) and so he hardly ever cries anymore.)

I will write a separate blog entry or two about the psychology of spanking at some point. Part of that topic concerns crying when getting spanked. Many people seem very interested in that topic.

For now, here are some more pictures of Evan getting his bottom reddened. Note the squirming: he really moves around. I like the fourth, fifth and sixth pictures here, where Evan has squirmed sideways so much that you see his penis. Although he started erect at the beginning of this spanking, his penis not close to being erect anymore, as we can see pretty clearly. A hard spanking always has that effect on him. I like to have Evan erect when we start, so that I have a clear barometer on how much he feels the spanking. I spank hard and long enough so that his erection is completely gone part way through.

As always, I appreciate your feedback: please leave comments, even just to say hello.

Readers from all over the world

I installed a statcounter link in my blog when I started it (, and it's interesting to look at the statistics so far. There are approximately 500 readers / day over the past few weeks, from all over the world. The distribution of people appears to be about 60% from the US; 10% from the UK (I had heard that the Brits are really into spanking); and some smaller but consistent percentages from Canada, Germany and France. There are lots of others too, but probably we are generally restricted to English-dominated cultures.

Here's a random bar graph of 500 readers from a week ago. (The resource that I use is free as long as you don't want stats for more than the 500 most recent visitors.)

Anyway, I just want to welcome the visitors from all over the world. The internet is a great world-connector! Please say hi in the form of a comment, if you haven't already. And tell me where you're from, if you are willing. There is no need to be shy: you can always comment anonymously if you want to.

Making a paddle

I read some of wdspoone's blog today, and it's really good. The most recent post is a detailed account of how to make your own paddle. I don't happen to need another paddle (I love my purse-sized paddles) but this is an excellent resource for others:

Thanks, wdspoone