Sunday, February 21, 2010

Our sex life

Sorry I have been away for so long: I meant to post last weekend, but I got too busy with work-related issues. I want to post every week, but sometimes I won't be able to do so. That's how life is sometimes.

This week I wanted to talk briefly about Evan's and my sex life. I think that I am like many women (and probably many men too) in that I only engage in sexual acts in the context of my relationship. I am generally only excited in the context of my love for Evan (and in previous relationships, in my love for my previous partners), so Evan and I have sexual contact only with each other.

Our sex life is only tangentially related to spanking. Whereas spanking turns both of us on, it doesn't lead to love-making most of the time. Evan and I engage in typical sex a few times per week. When we make love, I generally have Evan go down on me. I love it when he licks my pussy: I get the best orgasms that I have ever had in my life that way. (They are absolutely incredible!) I also enjoy penetrative sex a lot, even though I don't come this way. I love Evan's cock: it's big and thick, and it fills me up. We like all positions, but I like sex from behind the best. I feel a bit out of control when Evan pounds into me from behind. I do this to him sometimes too, with a dildo in his bottom, so he knows how this feels. (I will talk about taking him from behind in a later post.) Evan has never and will never take me in my bottom: his penis is too thick for me. I like something small in my anus sometimes (like Evan's little finger or his tongue) but his penis is never going to fit there. So I will be the only one having anal sex in our relationship.

When we have sex, I almost always like to have an orgasm, but we sometimes engage in tease and denial for Evan, where I will get Evan very excited repeatedly, getting him close to orgasm, but then not let him come. We have some fun rituals in that area that I will talk about later. I really enjoy tease and denial, but it's not always practical, if we each have a lot of work to do. That is, if Evan is very worked up from not coming, he isn't as able to focus on his work, which is not ideal. And if I am very busy at work, I just can't get too involved in sex: I may need to focus on work. We therefore don't always engage in tease and denial. But when we do, it's a lot of fun for both of us.

This blog is about spanking, so here are a few more pictures from the last spanking I was showing you. In the first picture, Evan's bottom is getting nice and red. I spanked very hard in this spanking, and his bottom showed it nicely.

In this second shot, you can see his legs come off the ground again, a sure sign that he is losing control. (Remember that I like his legs relaxed, with the toes pointing away.)

He is really starting to lose control in the next few pictures. So much so, that he is starting to twist on me again. This means we will have to stop to get him straightened out, and then start up again, until I can get 40 or 50 hard spanks in a row. I will then do this a couple of times.

Eventually, I will show you some pictures of Evan strapped to our spanking bench (to be discussed in future posts). When he is strapped down, he can't move at all, and I give him several non-stop minutes of hard spanking. I like the bench a lot: it's very entertaining to hear him yowl, when he can't move away at all. Evan is not as big a fan of the bench as I am - he is really scared of it - but I can coax him to get strapped down about once every month or two.

Finally, please keep the comments coming. I very much like the interaction in the comments section. If you aren't comfortable commenting publicly, please drop me an email. I answer all emails and comments.

Talk to you all soon. Deirdre.


  1. We are similar in how spanking affects us as well. While we both get turned on by them, it does not always lead to sex.
    Thanks for sharing with us.

  2. Hi Deirdre,
    Interesting and enjoyable post as always. I can relate to much of what you've said here in that spanking for us has not always led to sex. We are totally committed to each other. Like you, my spouse has used a dildo on me (she has a strap on), but is dead set against my penetrating her bottom. It's a nice change of pace for us.

    Keep up the good work.

  3. When I squirm as much as Evan does, I have to go over the arm of the couch since she's NOT going to put up with it on her lap...too much trouble for her.

    Always enjoy your posts...looking forward to the bench!


  4. Deirdre,

    I understand that you enjoy having Evan over your knee, but what would happen if you told him you would be using the bench full-time? Would he respect your wishes and do as he was told, or would it be difficult to get him to accept that fate for his regular spanking?

    I really look forward to your updates, thanks for the most recent one.


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  6. Thanks for your postings. I always enjoy it when you can make time for an update. It too look forward to your discussion of the bench. It is hard for me to always stay in position when I am spanked. Often when I squirm away, I can convince my wife that it is time for some sex instead. Spankings often lead to sex for us. On the other hand, the idea of being strapped down for my spanking is both scary and exciting.

  7. Dear Bill, Rob:

    thanks for your comments. I always appreciate feedback, just so that I know some people are reading.


    Yes, Evan squirms a lot when I spank really hard otk. But I like otk: I like to feel him next to me, even though he squirms a lot.

    I am glad that you are looking forward to the bench.


    Evan would of course respect my wishes if I wanted to spank him on the bench full time. I like the bench: it has its purpose. But I also like otk, because I can feel Evan close to me otk, and it's much more practical than the bench. (The bench takes a lot of set-up and put-away time.)

    I will talk to you all more soon,


  8. I don't seem to squirm too much! Perhaps my spanker doesn't spank that hard, or else it is in the warm up, which I always receive, but mostly I am caned lying across the bed after an otk hand or hairbrush spanking. Does Evan have to wear panties before or during spanking. I do, always plain ones, never fancy or lacy ones. Thank you for the blog, I find it very interesting.

  9. Hi Redtail:

    Yes, when Evan squirms away (which he sometimes does when he is over my knee), he always tries to convince me that he's had enough. I know better, however. He taught me early on that a longer spanking is always better, no exceptions. When he is warmed up enough to take a long-ish spanking, that's when I can safely stop. But the time that he is squirming to get away is the best time to spank him.

    Being strapped down is frightening for him. But it's fun for me. I recommend this to everyone who has not tried it.

    Dear John R:

    No, Evan doesn't wear panties. He wears his own mens underwear. I wouldn't mind if he had a womens underwear fetish, but he doesn't (and I don't), so he wears his own mens clothes at all times (or nothing at all).


  10. We miss you Deirdre!


  11. I really enjoyed your post. Please keep up posting.
    I only wish I already had a man like you. Unfortunately I did not find the right one yet. Strange, since there seem to be much more men out there looking for dominant women than women looking for submissive men.
    Anyway have fun with your hubby.

  12. It is incredibly rare to find an F/M site about a married couple, one that is written by the wife. You are doing marvelous work here. Please proceed with our [your readers'] blessings.

    You are loving, attentive, yet firm and fair. You are the very soul of an appropriate attitude in a mutually beneficial relationship. Each time you post, you show us how to live a better life.

    I simply cannot thank you enough. Please continue to discipline and please continue to post.

    With humble gratitude,


  13. Hello Deirdre,

    I enjoy your posts about your life with Evan. I especially like how matter-of-fact you are about administering discipline in the way that you choose.


  14. Deirdre:

    I have just found your blog and am a fan already. Your frank recounting of the role spanking plays in your life, its excitement and its limits, is exciting to me.

    I also find your picture to be quite arousing - hope you don't me saying that.


  15. I'm very interested in the wife led aspect of your relationship. Are you very demanding of Evan? Do you give a list of chores that you expect to be completed on time and inspect his competency?

    Thank you so much for the insight into your marriage.


  16. How about masturbation. Is Evan allowed to masturbate?


  17. Where have you been?? I know you guys have been busy but this is a bit like tease and denial, don't you think?

  18. Hi all:

    Sorry for not responding to your comments earlier!

    tina / lawyer: I look forward to talking to you sometime.

    jm & Michael_Michael: thanks for the kind words. It is very nice to feel appreciated.

    Bill: I am glad that you like the pictures.

    Jamie: No, I am not particularly demanding of Evan. He is a very good house-husband all on his own. (He actually has a very demanding fulltime job as well, but I often call him my house-husband.)

    Jamie: No, Evan is not allowed to masturbate.