Saturday, January 30, 2010

Real life

Writing this blog has been fun, in large part because I like interacting with all the people that write comments and send email. Thank you very much for being a part of my community. However, it's also time-consuming to write a blog, as anyone who has done so knows. The process of writing this blog also makes me think about the difference between "real life" and "fantasy life". Here's what I mean.

This blog is called "spanking my husband". While I do indeed spank my husband, it only happens every couple of weeks. Being in charge in our household is actually rarely about kinky sex. Sure, we do engage in some kinky-ish things (like spanking), but in reality, such events happen only every couple of weeks. Most of my leading Evan does not involve any kink whatsoever. On most evenings we either need to work or, if we can relax, we might snuggle up on the couch and watch some TV. Spanking is great fun, but we mostly just like to be with each other.

And frankly, I am rarely upset with Evan. We get along great most of the time. We have our differences, but for most of those differences, I don't want to spank him: I want to work the differences out through communication. I do like to spank him, but really it's mostly to get close to him: something we both like. It hurts him and makes him yell, but I know that he really loves this.

Here's a few more stills from that same video as in the last blog post. See how Evan squirms on the next few spanks. If you could see my face on the last shot, you would see a big smile.

Please keep the comments and emails coming.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


As was pointed out by a couple of commenters, a wooden hairbrush is a good (and classic) spanking instrument. I have used a few hairbrushes on Evan's bottom in my time, and I like them almost as much as my spanking paddles. I like my spanking paddles slightly more, however. First, my paddles are heavier: very thick, solid wood. While I am sure one can find a heavy wooden hairbrush somewhere, many that are available in drugstores are not very heavy. It can be a lot of work to spank hard using a lightweight hairbrush, even if it's made of wood. I know when Evan feels his spankings (he squirms and complains a lot), and in order to make him really feel it, I have to work hard with a light hairbrush. My paddles have a stronger impact with less effort on my part. Second, I really like my hairbrushes for their intended purpose. I have actually broken a light weight hairbrush on Evan's behind, and I don't want to do that again. I will never break my paddles on Evan's behind: they are much too sturdy.

One advantage of a hairbrush that some of you have pointed out is that you can leave hairbrushes out in plain sight, and no one will know how you use them. Although this is true, I am more open than that: I like it when people see my paddle in my purse, and then they think about what it's for. That embarrasses Evan, which I enjoy. I am not embarrassed at all by the fact that I spank him.

Please keep the comments coming. New readers: please leave a comment or drop me an email. I write this blog in order to feel connected to a community. So please be a part of this community. And thanks to all of you who have written to me.

I will write more soon. I will leave you with a few additional stills from a second otk spanking that we filmed. The first picture shows Evan over my lap about to receive the first spank. I like his toes to be pointed away, so that the top of his feet are relaxed on the floor when we start. This way his legs are relaxed and his bottom is not clenched when I smack it. I prefer the sound and feel of a good spank on his relaxed bottom: the sound is not as satisfying (more of a thud, perhaps not as loud?) when he is clenching his muscles. I have him keep the position with his toes pointed away as well as he can throughout the spanking. If he moves away from it, then we start over (and over), until he can maintain it for a long-ish continuous spanking (of 40 or 50 hard spanks).

The second picture is just the third spank in this spanking, and already he has broken his position. This just means a longer spanking for him.

And on the fifth and sixth spanks, he just squirms more. He complains that I spank very hard, but of course that's the point. His bottom was bright red at the end of this one. I will show you evidence of that later.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


People who are into spanking seem to have many implements in their collections. My husband Evan has given me several implements over the years. My favorites are two heavy hardwood hand-size paddles, about 1/2" thick each. These paddles are beautiful pieces of hardwood, each cut into a lovely shape, with handles that are very comfortable to hold. I like them because they are pretty and easy to use. I can swing hard and hit exactly where I am aiming with these extremely easily. One of them fits snugly in my purse, and I carry it with me at all times. I have used this paddle on Evan in unusual locations at unusual times, but not too often. The fact that he knows that I have it with me keeps him well-behaved. I have also brought it out at parties a couple of times, showing it to some mutual friends. I also told them what it was for. I am pretty sure that they believed me: I have a reputation for being very open about sexual matters, and everyone knows that I am the boss of Evan. I think it embarrassed Evan when I brought out the paddle in front of others, but he laughed it off, and pretended that it was just good fun on my part. That's ok with me. I let him do this if he is very embarrassed. But I will keep bringing it out. I like to keep him nervous: I enjoy embarrassing him. (And I know that deep down, he likes it too, even if it twists his stomach into knots at the time.)

(FYI, Evan got the paddles for me from . They are not cheap (around $30 each) but they have been worth it for me: much sturdier than even a nice wooden hairbrush, and the wood is gorgeous. I have never met the people at that website and I get no cut from them: this is just a genuine endorsement.)

Evan gave me both of these paddles about two or three years ago. I have a pretty good idea why I never got any more: these are more than adequate to do the job. (The time that I received these paddles was about the time that I started spanking more regularly.) I also have a lexan paddle, which is 3/8" thick, with holes in it. This is also easy to use (and similarly hard on Evan's behind), but it's not as pretty as my wooden paddles. And I have a paddle that Evan got from the Disciplinary Wives Club ( many years ago, which is a little bit bigger than the others, and has holes in it. This is like the lexan paddle: it's easy to use, but not as pretty as my two favorite paddles.

I also have some canes that Evan got me several years ago, and a couple of heavy straps. I really like the straps: they are beautiful leather. One has three tails, and the other has two. They are heavy: every stroke from these makes an obvious impact on Evan, because he yells loudly immediately after impact (which is satisfying to me). And they are relatively easy to use, too: I can aim fairly easily, and hit whichever spot I want (I have to cover both cheeks evenly, as I am sure you know).

I know many people out there are fascinated by canes, in part because of the long history of caning as punishment in school in England. Evan read a lot of English school stories, with lots of caning and birching for naughty boys and girls. I have heard some of these stories, and I appreciate the history, but I find the cane much harder to use than the other implements that I own. Maybe I don't have a quality cane: the ones I have are quite thin and whippy. I have two problems with using the cane: (1) I can't aim as well as I can with the other implements, and so sometimes I hit too low or too high; and (2) because I can't aim as well, I don't swing as hard as when I use other implements, and the effect is not as strong (I can tell because Evan doesn't cry out as much). So I don't generally use the cane very much, at least not yet. Some day, I will learn to wield one better than I do. I am sure someone will teach me to be better at it. I will happily take lessons with Evan's bottom as our target. Any takers? (Please don't volunteer your own bottom: I know lots of men want this, but that's not what I need. I already have a target.)

Another reason I prefer my paddles to other implements is that I like the over-the-knee position the best. It's a very intimate position, where I can lovingly hold Evan as I am spanking him. I very much like the close physical contact, even though his wiggling around sometimes hurts my legs. The strap and cane are not so easy to use otk. I know that there are otk canes, but the one I used was too light. My paddles make more of an impact, and leave lovely red marks.

I will close today with the last couple of stills from the first spanking video that I have posted. In the last still, I am giving Evan a friendly squeeze after he has got off my lap. I gave him a proper hug after that.

As a teaser for later, here is one picture from just prior to another spanking that Evan received. As you can see, Evan was semi-erect before that spanking started. I like to keep him in a state of sexual denial well before and after a spanking, so he is often hard before we start. I like to then spank the erection out of him: that is somehow very satisfying. I will post more stills from that spanking later.

Finally, I see that you seem to like the photos of me. Thanks for all the kind words. I will get Evan to take more photos of me holding my paddles, and then I will post those later.

Keep the comments coming! As always, I appreciate everything you say, even if it's just to say hello, and that you read the blog. It inspires me to write more when I read the comments that people leave and the emails that people send.

Jan 23: Response to comments:
Thanks to you all for all the comments. I appreciate them, as always.

Parivash: Sorry, but I am not putting up video clips. I am not a video editor, and I don't want to include the sound, because there are too many identifying cues in our voices. It's too bad, because the sound is perhaps the best part, as far as I am concerned. Evan really yells at times when I am letting him have it. He is not a quiet one.

Jayne's Master: To become a follower, I think you just need a google account. Let me know your blog, and I may follow that one too. Good luck with it!

wailer: I am glad you like that Evan is wearing his socks. This is just how it happens for over-the-knee spankings for us. I like the pants completely off, because I like to see his legs. But there is no reason to take off his socks: he's going back to work soon after I get done with him. (As I said earlier, my spankings are not prelude to sex for us, even though they are exciting for both of us.)

beejay: I have not used a slipper on Evan. My slippers wouldn't bother him at all. I need a good hard paddle to make an impression (and it's easy with my paddles).

Anonymous 1: Thanks for the kind compliments. I will post more photos of myself in the future.

Anonymous 2 (wdspoone): Good luck with your DD relationship. If your partner needs a female friend for advice, send her to me.

Anonymous 3 (michael_michael): Thank you for your support.

Anonymous 4 (jm): Thanks to you too.

Anonymous 5 (Sue): Thanks, Sue. I am glad to see that there are at least a few women reading this. I would be delighted to hear from more.

spanked husband: It's always a pleasure to hear from you. Yes, I may give caning some more work in the future. But frankly, I like the way that I do things now just fine. I have my own way, which is very paddle-oriented. Some day I may change, but for now, I like paddling.

Anonymous 6 (Ardor): Welcome. I am glad to have you join me.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Some better shots of me

I have had some requests for better pictures of me. Here are a couple. I hope you like them.

Spanking for punishment, not sex

Wow, blogging takes a lot of time. I don't have time to write a full entry today, so I will just write briefly on one topic.

A reader (redtail) asked if I sometimes spanked Evan sensually, possibly only with my hand, as a prelude to sexual activity. The answer is no, on both parts of the question. First, I never spank Evan sensually, and never with just my hand. I spank hard, so that it hurts him, right from the first spank. Spanking is something that I want him to be frightened of (even if there are strong sexual overtones), so I don't make it light, ever. I know that it excites Evan having it this way: to love the idea of a spanking, but hate to actually get one. I love the torment that this causes him.

Second, we rarely have sex after a spanking. I spank him, usually in the afternoon or early evening, and then we go back to our regular life. We normally have sexual activity in the evening, before bed. More about that some other time.

Here are a few more stills from the spanking from the previous blog entries. Eventually I will show some different events. But for now, here's more from that one.


New pictures, January 16


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dierdre & Evan: Our Story

First, let me thank you for reading my blog. There have been lots of visitors (many more than I had expected!) and many comments, and a few emails. I really appreciate the comments and emails, so keep them coming. I will try to respond to those which ask for information from me and Evan. If it's about our life together, I may ask you to wait for the blog entry that talks about a related topic. So please be patient.

But I am always open to ideas regarding topics to write about. I may not use them right away, but I will keep them in mind for the future. For the first few posts, I plan to tell you about me and Evan, how we met, what we like, and some of what we do.

Evan and I met at work a few years ago. I was immediately attracted to him, and he was also very attracted to me. But we were both in other relationships, so we didn't act upon our mutual interest, other than flirting with each other occasionally. Over the years, we eventually split up with our previous partners, and so we decided to give a relationship together a try. Right from the beginning, Evan told me that he was interested in having a dominance / submission relationship. He thought that this might scare me away, but it certainly did not. I found this idea of his intriguing and exciting. Before I met Evan, I didn't know that this was a possible full-time lifestyle; I had only been familiar with spanking as part of sex play.

Evan was very explicit from early on that he would like to be the submissive in such a relationship. He was mostly focused on spanking back then. He had a fantasy of having a dominant wife that would spank him for transgressions. But this was just part of his ideal relationship: he wanted to serve his wife in any way that she chose. He hoped that I might like to take on this role. I was excited to try this out, but I didn't know if it would be for me. I thought that I would probably prefer more of an equal-partner type of relationship, where we each take turns being in charge of the other for an evening or two at a time. I had always been in relationships where my partners were somewhat demanding and dominant, so that it was difficult to imagine what it would be like to always be in charge. So over the first few months together, we tried switching back and forth.

We started with some spanking every couple of weeks. I found that I really liked spanking Evan, but I didn't like getting spanked at all. I didn't enjoy the feeling of being dominated or the pain associated with being spanked. So we moved pretty quickly to a female-dominant style of relationship. Being in charge was exhilarating. I have always been a very bossy person: I like things my way. Being the dominant in the relationship with Evan was and is wonderful. He will do exactly as I wish, mostly without questions (more on his occasional recalcitrance in a later post). He does all the cooking, cleaning, looking after the house and finances, and so I am able to do things that are more rewarding for me.

I don't fully understand why Evan has always been so interested in spanking, but I see that he is not alone. There are many people out there with a similar fascination (and now I am one too). According to Evan, he has always been tremendously excited by the possibility of being completely out of control, with a dominant woman taking advantage of him by spanking him soundly, taking him beyond his limits. He had pretty standard nurse / teacher / baby-sitter fantasies growing up: anything with a plausible female authority figure in charge of him, spanking him for some wrong-doing. A possible partial explanation for his strong interest in spanking is that he was spanked as a child by his mother. Whatever the cause, I have been happy to become his dominant mistress. We both like the fact that the spanking is real in our relationship. I am an authority figure for Evan. We love each other very much, and this dominant / submissive dynamic works for us.

When I spank him, I am very serious about it. I never use my bare hand: I am not strong enough to hurt him that way. (I am only 5'6" and he is a big and muscular 6'2".) I use a wooden paddle or other heavy implement, and I strike hard from the first stroke. I want him to feel it immediately, and I want him to be remember that it was him who asked for this in the first place. A typical over-the-knee spanking lasts about 5-10 minutes for us. It's not continuous, however. I will spank hard and fast, and he will lose control and squirm vigorously pretty quickly, after about 10-20 spanks. Then he calms down a bit, and we repeat this over and over until he can take a longer continuous spanking, of a minute or so straight. He is calm and very submissive by the end. I scold him throughout the spanking, but very calmly, in a soothing way. As I mentioned earlier, he still loves the idea of spanking, but he now dreads getting spanked. Myself, I would like to spank him more often than I do, but it is sometimes difficult to schedule. I spank him about once a month at the moment. I am increasing the frequency to once a week with the posting of this blog. I plan to give him his first weekly spanking on Friday.

I know that men typically like pictures, so I will post more pictures from the spanking shown in the photos in the previous blog post. I have a lot of stills from that video (and many others as well). I will post a few picture every few days, so that you have some visual material to look forward to. Then I will move on to some other event that we have recorded. These first six photos are from the very beginning of that spanking, form Evan removing his pants (look: he has a partially erect penis: very nice) to laying over my lap, to getting the first few hard strokes.

Remember to leave me a comment to let me know that you are reading.


Saturday, January 9, 2010

getting started 2

I haven't got around to posting more recently, but I will do so very soon. In the meantime, here are a couple of stills from a video of mine, where I gave Evan a good over the knee spanking. He didn't like this spanking at all. But that made it all the more fun for me.

Lots of visitors already, but still waiting for the first comments / emails...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

getting started

Hi there.

This is my first blog. My name is Deirdre. I am 31 years old. My husband's name is Evan. He is 42. We have been happily married for a few years now, in the Boston (USA) area under a domestic discipline lifestyle. I spank Evan when I feel like it. This is sometimes when he does something that displeases me in some way, but most of the time now it's just because I like to spank him, and exert some control over him. We don't do this all the time. Maybe once every month or couple of weeks. I think I will start doing it more now that I am writing about it.

I will tell you our story soon. Drop me a line if you are reading this. I am curious if anyone could find this blog, because I haven't mentioned it to anyone but Evan yet. Depending on the level of interest, I will post more pictures and lots more description of our life together.