Saturday, January 30, 2010

Real life

Writing this blog has been fun, in large part because I like interacting with all the people that write comments and send email. Thank you very much for being a part of my community. However, it's also time-consuming to write a blog, as anyone who has done so knows. The process of writing this blog also makes me think about the difference between "real life" and "fantasy life". Here's what I mean.

This blog is called "spanking my husband". While I do indeed spank my husband, it only happens every couple of weeks. Being in charge in our household is actually rarely about kinky sex. Sure, we do engage in some kinky-ish things (like spanking), but in reality, such events happen only every couple of weeks. Most of my leading Evan does not involve any kink whatsoever. On most evenings we either need to work or, if we can relax, we might snuggle up on the couch and watch some TV. Spanking is great fun, but we mostly just like to be with each other.

And frankly, I am rarely upset with Evan. We get along great most of the time. We have our differences, but for most of those differences, I don't want to spank him: I want to work the differences out through communication. I do like to spank him, but really it's mostly to get close to him: something we both like. It hurts him and makes him yell, but I know that he really loves this.

Here's a few more stills from that same video as in the last blog post. See how Evan squirms on the next few spanks. If you could see my face on the last shot, you would see a big smile.

Please keep the comments and emails coming.


  1. Sounds like you're both quite lucky to have each other. I do appreciate reading your blog (I discovered this past week).

    Thank you for sharing.


  2. I found your blog through a link on another spanking blog. Not sure which one, so hopefully you can tell from your blog stats. I love the new freshness of it, that you started wondering if anyone would read, and now you're getting tons of comments and readers. I enjoyed hearing about how embarrassed he gets when you tell others what the paddle is for. Do you have typical lectures that you give during the spanking? Do you tease? ("poor baby, does that hurt?")? Are you mostly quiet?

  3. If I was in a relationship like yours, I wouldn't want spanking to dominate our lives. I think that's much healthier to want to work out differences through a meeting of minds. Spanking is a form of communication, and I think a healthy one in the right context. For me it's like when I was a kid. Spanking wasn't the answer for everything, but sometimes it was needed. If it had happened too often, it would have lost or changed its significance. Fun spankings are another thing. I guess you should do that as often as you can, as long as you're both wanting it.

    Thanks for an interesting post, Deirdre.

  4. Hi Again Deidre and Evan,

    I found the blog that led me to your site, in case you like to keep track of that sort of thing. Not exactly what I had in mind

    Thanks again,

  5. Its a good point, there is so much more to a DD relationship than just the spankings, sure the bits with the bare bottom grab the headlines but you pretty quickly run out of steam writing "SMACK". Exploring the other aspects of the relationship and what makes it work is more satisfying and gives much more longevity to a blog.....and spanked daily or monthly really doesn't matter, its the thought that counts not keeping score!

    Keep going!


  6. It is good to hear that you two are normally close and loving buddies in your every day life. I understand that in real life discipline spankings are not called for very often. I am sure it is quite satisfying for Evan to cuddle up on the couch with his pretty disciplinarian wife, and just watch some TV. Love your Blog, mainly because you two sound like real live normal people, with a very nice HOH wife.
    Your biggest fan,

  7. Hi everyone:

    As always, thank you for your comments.

    Dear Maxrr: thank you for the nice comment. Welcome to the blog. Please come back and interact some more in the near future. I will always appreciate your feedback.

    Dear Qarl: Welcome to my blog. Yes, when I started, I didn't know if anyone would read, but I appear to have found a niche crowd, and I am very happy about that.

    Regarding lecturing during a spanking, I will write a blog entry about that sometime soon.

    (And yes, I see that you came from Recidavist's blog. He got me lots of traffic recently. Thanks, R!)

    Dear Brett:

    Thanks for the comment. Yes, I like the way we handle spanking in our life. In that last post, I wanted to give others a more complete view of us as people. I do love spanking Evan, but that's only a piece of our relationship (one that many people seem to find fascinating).

    Dear R: Thanks for the positive reinforcement. Don't worry, I am not stopping blogging. I have lots to write about, even in the spanking realm. I just wanted to convey more about who we are before continuing.

    Dear Dave:

    Thanks as always for the kind remarks.


  8. Dear
    Why you do not using corp riding in his punishment?

  9. i must say that is very well put, it is all about love, and caring for each other, some may do it a different way, but there has to be trust and love for it to work, so that both can enjoy it, for me i dont like the spankings alot, but i do love when they are over and we are holding each other and we both feel great, great job.

  10. I can understand why you want to cover your (and his) face, but I would really like to see the "smile on your face" -or the expression on his face when you apply that hairbrush! As one who has been spanked, flogged, birched and strapped by two wives-and several girfriends- I can recommend that you try as many instruments as you can (have you tried wooden spoons or spatulas?)... And -oh,yes!- have you tried spanking or whipping Evan in open air locations? I'll bet that you (and he) might enjoy it! By the way, I think that you should spank him more often (twice a week seems like an appropriate regimen!) Let's face it: he probably needs (and enjoys) domestic discipline, and you obviously enjoy spanking him! Go for it, girl!...

  11. Great post. I appreciate how you've given readers a glimpse into your private lives. Your description of the relationship registers with me as it seems similar to the one I have with my spouse. I especially like the fact that your blog gives us insight into how you feel as the person giving the spanking. Keep up the good work. I look forward to your posts.

  12. Deirdre and Evan-
    Its very special that you describe your relationship in such detail and so eloquently. Your style comes across as very real.

    I enjoy reading your blog and am glad to see that you intend to keep writing. My relationship with my Lady has many things in common with the two of you and it is great to have such an intimate view into others with a similar lifestyle.

  13. Hi all:

    Sorry to be slow in responding to your comments. It was a very busy work week.

    Why don't I use a riding crop?
    Because I like my little paddles. They do the job. (Different people like different things: I like my paddles.)

    Bruce: (That is an odd moniker by the way "brucespud" (!))
    Thanks for the nice words. I appreciate them.

    Anonymous: Yes, I understand that people would like to see our faces, but I prefer to be anonymous for many reasons.

    I have never spanked Evan outside, but that is a good idea. We may try that in the spring.

    Regarding frequency, every couple is different. It would be easy to say that I will spank Evan twice a week, but it's not going to happen like that in practice. That frequency doesn't suit our lives. Once every two weeks works best for us.

    Rob: Thank you very much for the comment. Yes, the point of the blog is to get an insight into one normal happy couple who happens to engage in female dominant d/d. Then maybe lots of others will either come out of the closet, or will adopt the lifestyle too.

    spankedbywife: Thank you for the kind remarks. I appreciate your comment very much.

  14. For outdoors spankings (or birchings, since maple switches are so common in our New England area), may I suggest that you try the Great Blue Hills area, the Wompatuck state park, or the World's End reservation (both in Hingham, MA). Not now, of course -but maybe in April!

    PS: I speak from experience :-)

  15. hi
    nice blog
    I read it all
    this way is good for ur husband
    why dont u try putting videos of him getting spanked on ur blog
    u can put the camera on a way that ur faces are not in it
    there is no problem that u want to be anonymous
    some other blogs are using this way with lot of videos
    I theink its good for ur husband's behaviour that he knows people are watching his bottom getting red and hear his cryings

  16. Dear Anonymous:

    I guess you are from south of Boston. We are familiar with those areas. We sometimes walk / hike there, and we also walk in the west of Mass (in the Berkshires) and up north in Vermont or NH. There are lots of beautiful areas all around us.

    So if we ever do some spanking outside, I will figure it out just fine.

  17. Dear mo:

    You say that you read all my blog, but I don't think that you read the comments. Someone else before you also strongly requested that I put videos on my blog, and I responded by telling that person that I don't want to do that. I will tell you the same thing: I don't want to do that.

    I don't agree that it's easy to remain anonymous with a video. I don't think this is nearly as easy as with pictures.

    In any case, it is my blog, and it doesn't cost you anything to come here and see it. So I think you should respect my wishes, and be thankful for what you get rather than demanding other things that you want. You can certainly pay to get what you want on a pay site somewhere. There are thousands of spanking videos out there.

    Sorry if I sound a little irritated, but your request sounded very presumptuous to me, a quality that I don't like much.

  18. Wow, your husband is a lucky man. I to live in the Boston area and am searching for a strong woman.

    I have been in a DD marriage before, I left and failed to appreciate what I had.

  19. Deirdre, your approach is most open-minded. Did your husband intro this to you? Or was it your idea to start this lifestyle?