Wednesday, February 20, 2013

switching gears: a f/m spanking advice blog

Hi everyone:

Sorry for the long delay in posting again.  I think I have posted enough about Evan's and my life for now.  There isn't much more to say about spanking and female dominance in our relationship.  Things are great, but I find it boring to post day-to-day events: not enough that's different happens to be worth writing about, in my opinion.  And I don't want to write about more vanilla / mundane things because that's too much information that might eventually make us more identifiable.  In order to keep our anonymity, I feel the need to keep the topic to spanking and female dominance (as silly as that sounds).

So if I am going to keep posting, I need fresh new ideas in this area in which to write.  My first idea in this area is to shift the blog to an advice blog: you, gentle readers, provide me with situations and questions, and I will try to give you advice, as best as I can, given the information that you give me.  Many people have written to me over the years asking for advice about their f/m relationship (just as many women as men: about 50/50).  Maybe some of you would consent to have anonymized versions of your questions discussed here?

Please send me your questions and stories, and I will try to help, and we will all seek the help of the many readers here.

Evan sends his best: he is doing very well.  I haven't spanked him for a couple of weeks, but I am sure that will change sometime soon.  (Just the usual happy way it is around here...)



  1. Hi Deirdre and Evan,
    My name´s Marco and I´m writting from Brazil..
    I have 45 years old, and my wife has 33..
    We have a relantionship of 9 years, and married since 2006..
    I always have this desire to meet a woman to live a DD relationship, in which she controls me with spanking..
    I found this blog a few days ago, and started reading the posts since the begining..
    I have a great identification with what you wrote, and in my case, I would liked my wife had discovered this interest to be the head of the couple and use the spanking in order to keep the control..
    unfortunately, is not what happend, and I´m in a great doubt what I have to do...
    in fact, I don´t want to force a situation to beg a spanking when this is not something that she wants to do..
    I like her, but our sex life is not good and very poor...
    I feel a great missing because of that..
    Anyway, this comment is just to say hi, and thank you both to share with us this part of your relationship..
    I will continue to read the posts in order of cronology..
    Sorry for the poor english...
    And a last thing: here in Brazil, the most important instrumet to use in a good spanking is a slipper, but not a house slipper as you are wearing in your photo, but a king of slipper that I think you call flip-flop..
    It´s not common in Brazil to use hairbrush, neither cane..
    After the flip-flog slipper, is common to use a leather belt..
    So, hugs from Brazil..

  2. hmm an advice from a female spanker sound like good idea where do i start i have lot of question i could ask you i will accept your answer too casue iam sure you are very smart intelligent young lady dont want call you old lol unless i want a good ass smacking from you for calling you old down below is my questions i now have blog of my own if you want see it iam sure you will go back to spanking evan soon and iam sure you havent lost your spanking touch either it still be painful to him as before

    1) how would you be able tell be right time to mention to females about your desidre to be spanked by them?

    2) do you think be good idea to joke about spanking to see if female intrested in at and how can you tell she and her feeling on the subject from her answer if your confuse

    3) have you ever over hear a spanking conversation before while out in public or with own freind/family memebers?

    4) how do you feel when u see story on tv that talk about spankings like school paddling or about if kids need to be spanked do u think all teenager kids desver to be spanked

  3. Deidre,

    First let me say I'm glad to see you back to blogging and thank you again for all your help getting the word out about my blog. And please know that you were very instrumental in helping me when we first got started with the information I found on your blog as well as many others.

    But what I really wanted to say that I think this is a really great idea and I feel it would be a huge help to many people. I just finished a post this morning about the question I get most often from many readers and that is how do I get my partner to start spanking me.
    And since you have much more insight in this lifestyle than me since I've only been doing it for about 9 months now. I would love to hear your opinion on this subject either by commenting on my post or discussing it here on your blog.

    Glad to hear you and Evan are doing well and welcome back!!!


  4. Hello Deidre,

    I have been following another blog and have heard good comments about yours over there. My wife and I have started recently living a FLR and chances are we might have lots of questions.

    II will be checking out your blog and will tell my wife to also have a look. So far the people we have contacted for guidance and advice have been very helpful.

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us.


  5. Intersting turn Ma'am and hope you enjoy. I personally will miss your posting, not boring or mundane at all, actually very hot and inspiring. But spanking is spanking and hope you continue to light up his bottom.

    I will ask some questions in a day or so.

    Thank you

  6. Hi Deirdre,

    I think it's a great idea for you to write an advice blog on Fm spanking. In addition I did have a few ideas for blog posts that I've been meaning to send you. First could you talk a bit about the wonderful pictures you post; in my opinion they are what makes your blog the best of its type. What equipment do use to take the pictures and how do you position the camera; also what software do you to use to edit? I, for one, would be interested in a posting on this topic. Also I seem to recall that you mentioned previously, based on your reading of the Taken In Hand blog, that you were going to start exploring bondage with Evan. Have you done that and if you have you anything to report and if not, maybe I've reminded you of something that has slipped your mind. Finally while I'm handing out homework assignments, I'd love to see you give Evan a real caning. I know that in the past you've trying caning him when he was tied to your bench, but in this position you weren't able to deliver full force strokes due to the exposure of his penis and testicles. Why not have him assume the traditional caning position and give him 6 of the best or even better 12? Just trying to be helpful.

    your friend, Walter

  7. Discussion of spanking is often exciting. However, short comments matched with some pictures can be confusing. At what point does fun, discipline, and/or public spankings become "abuse". While i have been spanked frequently, privately and publicly (friends and family), i do not feel i have every been abused. Spankings have always been for cause, as determined by Mistress Barbara, but there has always been evidence of love and respect before and after the spanking. After forty-years, i do not remember at time when i was left bleeding. Sore, very, very sore, but no blood.

    For us, spanking to purely cause pain and extreme humiliation, is abuse to us. What are your thoughts?

  8. great to hear all is well and i like the idea. It is very difficult in my experience to have a female friend tell me what they are thinking while they are applying a hairbrush to a deserving guy. i knew i was a spanko when still very young and in those days there was no question, if you were naughty you were spanked. i enjoyed being spanked by neighborhood girls and baby sitters. teachers, other kids moms'. most spanked with real enthusiasm but none ever explained what they were truly thinking while driving the lesson home. things like how do you know how long to spank, how hard to slap, what pattern of spanks impress him the most. things like that. the spankee part is simple . just lay there and take it and listen to be sure the questions about why you were spanked afterwards will be answered properly. I will end with a nice welcome back. missed your input.

  9. Deirdre, I would like to find a way to get my wife more into the idea of regular maintenance spankings. We have dabbled in it, with her giving me a light spanking, then she feels bad about herself and stops. I've told her that this is something that I want, and asked for, so please don't feel bad about it. I have asked her to go further and double the amount and strength of the spankings as well as the frequency, but she just doesn't seem to get anything out of it, and shows little interest. I am a pretty good boy most of the time so she can't even think of anything to scold me for, much less spank me. So being a good boy, am I doomed to never have the red cheeks that Evan is sporting most of the time?
    Thanks for your great blog. Chuck

  10. Funny Chuck's question is similar to mine. After a break from spanking, I often find it difficult to break the ice and ask for a "maintenance spanking." Do you have any suggestions how I should approach my Wife (time/method) to ask for the attention I need?

    1. Hi All, It's an advice format and we've been through this successfully so for what it's worth....First, patience, next honesty, she has to know that this is an intregal part of your core being. It's a kink, but a relatively minor one and one that is easily worked to her benefit. My wife, like yours, gets no sexual arousal from spanking me but takes a paddle to me weekly. Stress relief, maintenance, connection, whatever you choose to call it she has come to enjoy it as a wifely duty that I need and enjoy. Recently I asked her which she'd prefer, giving oral sex to completion, totally normal and vanilla or giving me a spanking. Without hesitation she chose giving the spanking. She's so lucky :)
      I found it best not to burden her with fantasies and scenarios. I simply came to her as her husband and told her how deeply this ran in me and I didn't want to be her boy or want 24/7 submission just a good thorough spanking regularly. Like Chuck, it was timid initially but over time she grew more comfortable until now she has genuine enthusiasm for the task. Like almost almost everyone who has used spanking to help their marriage, the benefits have been tremendous in closeness and lack of arguments and petty irritations. I wish everyone well, it does work.

  11. Deirdie
    My wife and I have been involved in spankings since we were married 34 years ago. We've been around the block a few times now! She is a loving and caring wife who Has enjoyed giving me spankings over the years. Now she is retired but I'm still working in a stress filled job that is kind of in the public eye. While we realized long ago that I can get a cathartic relief from spankings, she has really taken notice of my stress levels and we find her calling for more spankings. This greater frequency has also seen her deriving more enjoyment from my spankings. We've discussed this, but haven't really understood why after all these years she finds more and more enjoyment. Our relationship is as strong as it's ever been, but my increase in spankings seems to dominate our days. I am now typically given a light spanking after my morning shower, then a more intense one in the evening. This now happens about five days a week. While I do get an emotional release from these spankings, I wonder if we are doing too much. The morning spankings leave me with a nice glow, and the evening ones sometimes bring tears, but welcome tears! I'm not planning on retiring for at least 10 more years, and I'd love to hear from others who are approaching their golden years who are living the spanking life.

  12. Miss you but love that you are happy.


    ps: please spank him!

  13. I think he deserves a year off!

  14. I am a spanked husband my wife spanks me every wed and sun otk with a hairbrush style paddle she had me buy after cracking a regular cheap hairbrush on my bottom during a punishment spanking the new brush is much harder and hurts alot more. Any since you posted about keeping your paddle on your purse my my has taken to carrying hers with her now. O have been spanked at her dads house after he went to sleep i also have been asked if o need a spanking while out and people heard and was told infront of her sister to behave or i will get a spanking which was embaresing and to make it worse my SIL is more stern then my wife i am scared i may not only get spanked with her watching i may end up over her knee for a worse spanking. Do you spank where others can hear or even see it? I know o need them and or has helped i on a avg get the brush 3-4 times a week too isnt that too many? Love your blog plz keep posting thanx......Sammy

  15. Its been a month, get back here! :D


  16. we have been married many, many years now. I have problems with ED and have tried all the 'usual' Dr and otc solutions with only limited results. I resort to manually pleasing her. When it was my turn, I suggested spanking me (for my non performance ED). She did once and I had a full ejaculation! (hurts her hand so I got a short leather strap). Is this common (ejaculation) in this situation, and how could I best inure this delightful result in the future?

    1. Maybe you test it some more. DD after years together is good thing. Hairbrush works nice.

  17. I get my bar butt paddled about once or twic a yr---if I have drunk too much and then have driven----Its a great marriage She is a wonderful wife----We both know its got to happen--I never try to get out of getting paddled on my bare ass and she makes it hurt She may be a small woman and I am a big strong guy---but she has got more arm then iv'e got ass --when I have earned a paddling!

  18. My partner and I seek advice on the following topics:
    Should third party women be invited to watch while she spanks me?
    Should I be spanked bare in front of other women?
    Should they be allowed to participate in the spankings?

  19. I think there is too much about punishment and being in charge personally.

    For us it is part of sex and relating. We would never have third parties in. That is marital suicide to my mind.