In looking for resources regarding real female dominant relationships, I came across the following website, for women in submissive relationships to men:
takeninhand.com
This is a great site. It's full of love from each partner to the other. I found that if I read this site substituting man for woman / husband for wife and vice versa, then it fits perfectly for us.
Here is their opening blurb, with my substitutions put in:
"Welcome to Taken In Hand, a website about wholehearted sexually-exclusive marriages in which the wife is firmly in charge (to her husband's delight!)—and she always puts her husband and their relationship first. Putting him and the relationship first is the key to creating a marriage in which the woman is in control in a good, healthy and sustainable way. Taken In Hand husbands tend not to claim to be submissive (though their wives may well consider them to be so) but they do respect, honour and appreciate their wives and strive to please them."
The site is great: it talks about it is good in many taken-in-hand relationships for the dominant to spank the submissive to keep him in line. It also discusses bondage, which we haven't done as much of: only so far as tying Evan to the spanking bench to take a hard spanking.
A critical insight that I was able to get from the website is that Evan is in fact a true submissive. I had been thinking that Evan wasn't really submissive in his true nature, because he used to seem to only do what I wanted in certain circumstances, not all. He would especially not do what I wanted when it was difficult for him, in that what I wanted was different from what he wanted. In other circumstances (when he didn't have a strong opinion, which is much of the time) he would do what I wanted. But for example, if I asked to behave better in certain circumstances (like getting angry in traffic) he would ignore me and do as he was already doing, much to my displeasure. So I thought that maybe he is someone who is really an underlying dominant alpha-male personality, but who wants some superficially submissive things done to him.
But in reading the takeninhand website, I have discovered that he has just been testing me all this time. He would probably have done whatever I wanted, but I needed to be much more forceful in my demands of his behavior. The problem was that I wasn't demanding control nearly forcefully enough: he was testing me, looking for limits, looking for severity and strictness, and I always backed down.
In fact, I think Evan is very submissive: he just needs a strict wife to guide him. He was basically acting like a child, and I needed to take the role of a firm wife (like a parent in a way), who tells him when he is behaving badly, and that he should behave well right then, or face some serious consequences.
I now realize that I have a great gift. In order to use it, I have to be forceful and confident in looking after him, and then he will do as I ask, exactly as I ask. So, I was wrong: he doesn't just want to top from the bottom. He really wants to be the bottom. He just needs me to lead strongly. I have been doing so for the past couple of months, and it has been working out amazingly well. We basically never fight anymore: if he starts to get grumpy about something, I remind him to behave and be respectful and kind. And if he doesn't change quickly, I tell him he will pay for that later, over my knee. Consequently, I have been spanking Evan a lot recently. He gets spanked at least twice a week now. He really dislikes the spankings, but the knowledge that he is getting one changes his attitude quickly: he tries hard to appease me to get out of the spanking. Sometimes this works, but more often than not, I give him a hard spanking to keep him on good behavior.
(And in answer to a commenter, yes, I always spank on the bare bottom, using some implement (never my hand). Most often my purse paddle, pursey.)
Anyway, the key point of this post is the insight that I got from takeninhand.com that Evan really is a submissive: I just need to be strict with him to get the most out of him. He won't be submissive if I ask him to do things that he doesn't want to, but he will do them when I tell him forcefully to do so.
Here are a couple more still photos from Evan's recent trip on our bench.
And FYI, Evan still hasn't had an orgasm, even since this spanking. I milked his prostate while he was on the bench (collecting a lot of semen / prostatic fluid: over 5mls!). But I did not let him orgasm that night or since, so that he has now not ejaculated in 19 days. I think we will go for at least a month before he gets a release. I am not sure what his "record" is in this regard, but I think 3 weeks is about it. So a month should be a new record.
But I am not sure about this: I don't have firm plans here. (Moreover, don't worry about me: I have had several sexual releases in this time frame: Evan is an expert with his tongue. And I even have him fuck me for a while too each time, after he licks me to orgasm. We don't do that very long however, because I don't want any accidents. Fortunately, Evan takes a lot of stimulation in order to achieve orgasm, so I am not very worried about accidents.)
Talk to you all later,
Deirdre
