Saturday, September 1, 2012

Deirdre's guide to prostate milking

Evan doing his part in being milked, in the name of better information about prostate milking on the internet.

First, neither Evan nor I are doctors, so be careful trying out prostate milking.  Our first rule of anal play is, if it hurts, don't do it.  (That's why I never let Evan have anal sex with me.)

When I searched today (August 31, 2012) on google for "prostate milking", I found a few articles about prostatic massage, which is basically just sticking a finger in a man's anus, and massaging the prostate.

(On the wikipedia page, it claims that "It is not uncommon for a male to achieve orgasm due to prostate stimulation alone."  I only have experience with giving prostatic massage to one person -- Evan, my husband -- but we have never heard of a man having an orgasm due to prostate stimulation alone.  Evan and I have seen a lot of porn, and surely if this was common, it would possible to get it on film.  Neither of us have ever seen it.  So we are skeptical of the the claim that this is "not uncommon".)

Many webpages talk about prostatic massage as a way to increase the power of an orgasm.  And many of these are selling something to make this happen, such as the aneros tool.  But that's not what I am talking about when I talk about prostate milking.

For me and Evan, the term "prostate milking" refers to the massage of the prostate that starts a flow of semen from the penis, *with no stimulation of the penis whatsoever*.  It always sounded incredible to both of us, and for a long time we were skeptical that it was possible.  But it is in fact possible: we have been doing this for several years now.  We are surprised that there is no good manual out there that we can find, on how to do this.  So I am trying to provide one here.

Our theory of the possibility of prostate milking: the prostate only contains overflow semen.

Before I give my guide to prostate milking, let me first provide our theory of what's going on for prostate milking to be possible in a particular man on a particular day.  Based on our experience, it seems like the prostate (or near the prostate) holds an overflow area for semen.  In order for prostate milking to be successful, there has to be something in the overflow area.  If there is nothing there (because you have ejaculated relatively recently) there is nothing to milk from the prostate area.  Hence, you have to be really backed up with sperm before a milking is possible.  To give a rough idea, you have to be backed up enough such that you might possibly have a nocturnal emission (a wet dream).  If you aren't really backed up with semen, then prostate milking just won't happen (but you can still get a nice anal massage).  Now that you understand our milking principle -- the prostate only contains overflow semen -- the instructions make more sense.

Prostate milking manual:

Step 1. This is the hardest step: No orgasm of any kind for a long time.  At least a week is needed with no release.  You will probably need 2-4 weeks for you to be successful the first time.

Step 1 is the hardest step to achieve.  For us to be successful at this the first time, Evan went approximately 3 weeks without ejaculating.  That was a really long time!  I know that there are lots of people that have gone longer, but this was difficult for him.  He was used to ejaculating once or twice a day for years and years.  He would sometimes go 2 or 3 days without ejaculating, but those were unusual times: he gets super horny if he hasn't ejaculated in 3 days.  So this was difficult for him.

And when I say no release, I mean no release at all. After some experience now, I think that so-called "edging" is too dangerous to risk release.  Any time you release any sperm at all, even just a bit of pre-cum or one squirt in a partial release, then you have to re-fill that before you can milk well.  For example, on one early occasion -- maybe our third or fourth milking session ever -- I was edging Evan, and he accidentally shot one stream of come.  This was definitely not a full come: I stopped early enough to stop that.  But a lot of come came out.  When we tried milking the next day, nothing came out at all.  Our guess is that the big early shot of come is what I would have been milked out if he hadn't let that go the previous day.  So my advice is no edging.  Now, when I want to milk Evan, I try to keep sexual contact with him to a minimum for days in advance.  That is, I don't touch his penis for long at all.  It's fine to touch it until it's hard, but then I leave it alone.  (Of course, this does not stop me from getting oral pleasure from Evan: it's just him who needs to be denied for milking to work.)

Evan from day 2 until day 21, when it's time to milk.  That's an exaggeration, but what a nice picture: I have my hands full.
Step 2. Find a firm dildo to massage your prostate with.  Perhaps you can use your finger(s) instead.  We weren't successful with fingers however, possibly because my fingers cannot reach deep enough to massage the right spot.  We use the red "more" feeldoe dildo from:

I like this dildo for milking because it's smooth, and firmer than most dildos.  (I realize that these dildos are expensive, but they are good.  We are not paid in any way by this company, and we recommend them.  I see that they now have a "stout" version: I would have got that one if it had been available when we bought ours.  Evan likes a thick one in his behind.)

The feeldoe dildos
Step 3: Prepare yourself for anal play.

For us, this means that Evan gives himself an enema, or I give him an enema.  This takes a while: he takes 2 quarts of plain warm water, or sometimes water with a bit of white vinegar, or sometimes water with a bit of mild hand soap.  I fill him up, while he is kneeling the bathtub, and then have him hold it for a few minutes.  I plug his bottom with an anal plug to hold the water in during this period.  I time the hold so that it's 5-10 minutes (depending on how he feels: I don't want to do him any damage), and then he releases the water after I leave.  We wait for 1 hour or more for the water to clean him out.  Then he is nice and clean, and ready for his milking.

Step 4. Find a comfortable position for being pegged (butt-fucked).  We have mostly used positions where Evan is kneeling on the bed, or where he stands up and bends over.  And occasionally I have milked him on our spanking bench (which is a great place for milking).  I have seen that others get pegged while on their backs.  I imagine that this would work too, but we haven't done this.  We like a position from which the semen can drip down and catch in a container, so this means that Evan has to be bent over.

Step 5. Using lots of lubricant, insert the dildo into the anus.  Take your time to get it in comfortably.

Step 6. Aim the dildo at the prostate.  The prostate is a little round soft thing in his rectum, underneath the base of the penis.  This picture is from the wikipedia page on prostatic massage:

Step 6: Now just simply massage the prostate with the head of the dildo, applying some pressure.  Do this firmly and smoothly, back and forth over the prostate.  (But don't bang into it hard: the prostate is a sensitive part of the body.  According to the wikipedia page, you shouldn't do this "vigorously" but I don't know how to define "vigorous".  Apply common sense here: if it hurts, don't do it.)

When I do this using the feeldoe, the feeldoe is aimed down, not up in its normal fucking position.  I find it easiest to use the head of the dildo penis aimed in this way to massage the prostate most efficiently.

Simply repeat step 6 until you get some seminal fluid dripping out of the head of the penis.  For us, it takes a while for the seminal fluid to flow, approximately a minute or so of massaging.  The massage should feel really strange (according to Evan): it should feel like you need to go to the bathroom in some weird way, maybe like needing to pee or maybe like needing to defecate.  Unless it hurts, then just relax and try to enjoy these feelings.  As long as you have cleaned yourself well (using the enema), you shouldn't worry about defecating.  Evan also tells me that he feels very submissive to me at this point, when I am massaging his prostate: apparently it's when he feels most submissive to me.  He gets very quiet and subdued: not alpha male at all.  As you might imagine, I like this very much.

Listen to your partner during this process: massage in a place that feels the strangest to him.  Evan tells me when I hit a spot that feels really strange, and then I massage over and over on that spot.  After a little while, he often can feel when the semen is going to start to flow, and he tells me.  The flow starts as a rapid series of drops -- often a little spurt of a few drops at once -- and then a steady flow of one drop every few seconds, drip, drip, drip.  I usually milk Evan for about 5-8 minutes.  At this point, the drips have basically stopped.  Then I often turn the dildo so that it has the normal side up, and I peg Evan deeply for a couple more minutes, just because it's fun for both of us to do this. I like it when he moans his adoration of me during all of this process.  Sometimes he will say "thank you, maam" every time I push deeply on his prostate or penetrate him.  It's good to be appreciated.

Some information on the internet that I have found claims that for milking to work successfully, one needs to be in the right state of mind.  The author of these articles seems to think that the process is part mental on the part of the milkee.  We don't think that this is correct: we think that milking is a purely physiological process: if your prostate is filled with overflow semen, and if you massage it right, then you will necessarily be milked.  This is certainly true for Evan: if Evan is in a ready state for milking (backed up for a week or more), then if I then follow the steps above, he will be milked of his excess semen, no matter what his mental state (that is, whether he wants this to happen or not).

Step 7: Clean up.  We put a little dish or a cup below Evan's penis during the milking process, to catch all the semen (the milk!).  We also sometimes film this process.  When watching the film, Evan has counted how many drops he typically produces.  Depending on how recently he has ejaculated before, he will produce somewhere between 30 and 60 drops of semen.  This can end up being equivalent to a pretty substantial come load.  Once the milking process is completed, I make sure that Evan drinks this down.  This is the one time when Evan doesn't mind drinking his own semen: getting milked has basically no effect on his sexual excitement level.  After milking, he is still as horny as when we started.
This is at the end of the milking session.  Although it's not easy to see, the bowl has lots of semen in it.
This is Evan drinking his milk.  (Good boy!)

Often after milking, we will have sex one or more times.  Evan ejaculates about a usual amount (substantially) even right after milking.  This is one of the reasons that we think that the milking process only taps into an overflow pool of semen: there is another pool of semen in deep somewhere else, which is never tapped by the milking process.

Note that there is no reason for the man to be erect during this process.  I rarely touch Evan's penis during this procedure, and he doesn't either.  Sometimes he gets hard, because if he hasn't come in 1-3 weeks, he is excited about anything remotely sexual (and this definitely is sexual).  But I don't touch his penis during the process.  It just dangles there, dripping.  It's a beautiful thing to watch!  I hope that through the information I provide here, more people can have experience with it.

Here is a video of milking that I found on xhamster.  This is very like Evan's milking sessions:

A common view among female dominant websites is that it is possible to deny a submissive male from ejaculating arbitrarily long, and only allow him release through milking sessions.  Evan and I both like this idea in principle, but it's impractical for us, because while milking does get rid of the overflow, it doesn't get rid of Evan's horniness.  If I lived a different life, where Evan could just serve me all day, I probably wouldn't let him come for long periods (months or more), but we don't live like that.  In particular, Evan needs to think a lot for his day job.  And to do that, he can't be backed up on sperm all the time.  He just can't get anything done if he is horny all the time: all he does is think about sexual release.  It is when he is like that that he will do anything I say.  And while I like that very much (I could totally dominate him if he were like that all the time), it's impractical: he's kind of an idiot when he hasn't come for 2 weeks!  That's attractive to me, but not so much to his employers.

That's it for now.  Let me know what you think of this "manual" in the comment section.  I will probably update this according to your comments, so let me know if I have made any errors, or if I have left out some important pieces of information.

Finally, to repeat what I said at the top, neither Evan nor I are doctors, so be careful out there!  If it hurts, don't do it.


  1. Thanks for taking time to write this. When you mentioned that you were going to post on this topic, I was excited because I have found the view of a relationship that your blog provides to be valuable. Too often such information gets tangled up flights of fancy. This is the sort of post I can share with my partner and have a great foundation for a "how would we make this a part of our relationship" conversation.

    Here were some questions that I was wondering about after I finished reading:

    Given that it may take a couple weeks to build up an "overflow", how do you choose when to do prostate milking?

    You said that you have Evan tell you when you are hitting his prostate. When you're using the feeldoe do you have any other indication that you're in the right spot? Is there any signal that is transmitted through the dildo? Many of the other guides that I've read talk a lot about what the prostate will feel like to a finger, but don't mention dildos.

    You mentioned that you sometimes do milking on your spanking bench. Is this ever something you combine with spanking or are the things separate?


    1. Dear Robert:

      Thank you for your comments / questions. I am glad that you think you can use this post in discussion prostate milking with your partner.

      "Regarding your questions:
      Given that it may take a couple weeks to build up an "overflow", how do you choose when to do prostate milking?"

      For us, I need to leave Evan for approximately a week before prostate milking works. Actually, it might work earlier, but we know that it works after a week. So I usually milk after about a week or ten days of no ejaculations. But when we started, we weren't successful until we left him un-ejaculated for approximately 3 weeks. That's when we were successful the first time. We don't know the relationship between the extra long time period for the first time and our success then. Maybe we just weren't quite massaging right on earlier attempts with less backup. Or maybe one needs extra backup to be successful the first time. We don't know. But after that first success, I could always milk Evan successfully after approximately a week of no ejaculations. We have tried to milk on only 2-3 days of backup, but with no success: nothing has ever come out with such a short period of backup. So that's why we wait a week. (It might work after 4 or 5 days, but we haven't tried all possibilities.)

      Regarding when we typically milk, it depends on what else is going on in our lives. A milking takes planning and time. So we need a few free hours to do it. If I had carte blanche on running our lives, I would probably milk Evan every 2 weeks or so, and just not let him have a proper ejaculation much at all. This way, he would be more obedient to me all the time. But as I said in my post, this is impractical in our real lives. Evan is very obedient when he is backed up on semen, but he is also a bit of an idiot: all he can think about is sex, whether he talks about it or not. This is impractical for his job, where he has to think a lot. So in practice, we milk when we can keep him chaste for a while. Then I usually have to release the pressure so that he can be more productive at work again. I will have Evan write a post about the relationship between chastity and female control, and life more generally.

    2. Continuing my reply to Robert (the blogger has a character limit on the length of a comment):

      "You said that you have Evan tell you when you are hitting his prostate. When you're using the feeldoe do you have any other indication that you're in the right spot? Is there any signal that is transmitted through the dildo? Many of the other guides that I've read talk a lot about what the prostate will feel like to a finger, but don't mention dildos."

      No, there is no signal that I get from the dildo, other than I am pushing against the wall of his rectum, beneath the shaft of his penis. I just push against that general area, in deep, and gauge what I do based on his reactions. We tried this with my fingers, but it didn't work for us at all. We don't know why: maybe a nurse would have been more successful.

      "You mentioned that you sometimes do milking on your spanking bench. Is this ever something you combine with spanking or are the things separate?"

      Yes, these are often combined. As long as Evan hasn't ejaculated for a while, he does what I say. So then I can get him on the spanking bench, and give him a good spanking. If it's been 7-10 days or more since an ejaculation, I will often milk him then too. Sometimes I do it before the spanking and sometimes after. It doesn't seem to matter to Evan one way or the other: his pent-up sexual frustration is unaffected by the milking, so his ability to take a spanking is unchanged in comparing between before and after. Some day, I would like to spank him while milking him at the same time. But that would take another set of hands: I need two hands to milk properly, and I need at least one free hand to spank. So I will need a partner in spanking to help with this some day. I will wait and see if this will happen sometime. I am optimistic that it will, but it's not a big deal if it doesn't.

    3. Thanks for taking the time to answer so thoroughly!

  2. Wow...thanks. Am hoping for Wife to milk me this way... great guide.
    Looks like Evan got to drink his reward at the end! :)

    1. Dear Mr. Sometimes Spanked:

      Thanks for the comment.

      Yes, Evan always drinks the milk that results from a milking. It's part of the deal!
      But as I said in the post, it's the one time that he doesn't mind drinking his own semen: he is still backed up with semen even after a milking, so he is still as horny as ever, and he will happily do anything (sexual or not) that I say when he is in that state.


  3. We've been playing with chastity and tease and denial for a couple of years now, and prostate milking is one of the methods we've looked at for releasing some of the built-up seminal fluids.

    We haven't been successful at making it work so far. From what we've read, it typically takes much longer than the 5 to 8 minutes it does you to get Evan's fluids flowing (you're fortunate that it happens so easily for you), and that has been the core of our problem. The last time, after 20 minutes or so, no fluid, other that a few tiny drops had shown themselves, and CH's arm was getting tired and sore from manipulating the dildo.

    My theory is that I don't build up a sufficient backlog of prostatic fluid to make milking possible, even though I haven't had an orgasm for almost five months. What I've found is that after two or threes weeks of denial, I start expelling a slug of prostatic fluid each time I pee, as I flex the necessary muscles to urge out the last few drops of urine. That would limit the amount of liquid that is available to flow out when my prostate is manipulated.

    Side note here.... What you're milking out is mostly prostatic fluid, which makes up only about a third of the semen that would normally be expelled during an orgasmic ejaculation, the rest is sperm (2 -4%) and fluid from the seminal vesticles (about 60%).

    The point of mentioning all this is to alert your readers to the fact that milking may simply not work for them, and that they shouldn't get their shorts in a knot because of it.

    Also, I'm wondering, since you enjoy the effect of keeping Evan denied, if you have considered buying a chastity device and keeping him locked up. I'm not sure it's the answer in your case - could he be more productive at work locked up - or would it simply exacerbate the problem? It does add a new level of control/submission to your relationship. It's really worked well for us.


    1. Hi Harry:

      Thanks for the detailed comment. I am not sure we have been successful with prostate milking, and you have not. We tried this many times without success before we finally succeeded. We thought that one the primary reasons for our success was that Evan was so backed up. But there may be other reasons. I think that another important part of our success is our use of a long firm dildo, that I can get very deep into Evan. With my fingers, I don't think I could do the same work that I can do with the dildo. Is the dildo that you are using pretty long and firm, so that it's easy to reach the wall of the rectum underneath the base of the penis?

      Of course, you are right that there are lots of individual differences between people, and maybe Evan is just someone that milks easily.

      Regarding your observation that you generate prostatic fluid when you pee, Evan has a similar observation: when he defecates (when he is backed up with semen), he produces drops or streams of prostatic fluid, especially if he pushes hard to get something out. Expelling this prostatic fluid doesn't have much of an effect on milking him: I can milk him right after that, and he will still milk well, as long as he hasn't expelled too much (such as a few milliliters).

      Regarding chastity devices, yes we have tried those. I have Evan to write about that soon. The short answer is that we like the idea of chastity devices, but we don't like them in practice yet.

      Thanks very much for all your helpful feedback: I will edit the post later accordingly.

      Best wishes,


  4. Thank you for this look into your lives. It is amazing to have this privilege with a real couple.
    I appreciate your blog and enjoy each post.


    1. Thank you so much, John! It's nice to get appreciative notes like this.


  5. Thanks for good post :)

    Have you tried other didos or butt plugs? It is firmness of feeldoe that is best, yes? Or is curve good too?

    It would be fun to see similar post from Evan's perspective. Does he ever milk prostate on his own?

    1. Yes, we have tried several dildos and butt plugs. In my experience, a butt plug isn't long enough. I need a long firm thing to perform a good milking. And many dildos are too soft and spongy. Good for pegging, but not so much for milking, at least not for us. I am confident that other dildos besides the feeldoe would work well, as long as they are firm and smooth. Regarding the curve of the feeldoe, I don't think that's important: in fact, I curve it upside down. If it was completely straight, that would work fine. I just need a long firm smooth pole to do this right.

      Regarding whether Evan has ever milked himself, I don't think so, but I don't know for sure. He hasn't done it with me, and I don't think he has done it on his own. I don't think he would do so: he likes what I do to him: it's probably easier and more fun to have me do it to him (especially since he likes to be submissive that way).


  6. I'd not ejaculate for months when I went I had a prostrate exam as part of my annual exam.
    I experienced milking while the Dr was checking my prostrate.
    I didn't expect that to happen. It was a total surprise to me.

    1. Wow, what an amazing story!

      I hope you are ok. Do you milk yourself now? If you do, does it feel good?

  7. What a wonderful post! It is so matter of fact yet so humiliating for poor evan! I especially enjoy the photo with you in your little shorts (not even sexy ones) milking him as the cum dribbles out. He must be frantic with sexual desire and thus I can imagine him very very submissive as you describe. I can see how this is a great time to give him a really long and hard spanking, especially if he imagines there might be a proper sexual release at the end of it. Or not... Step 7 is my favourite. It's a good rule of thumb that whoever drinks the sperm is the submissive in the family, and you leave us in no doubt as to who that is!

    1. Hi Julie:

      Thanks for the compliment. You are so kind!

      Yes, those are just my house shorts: nothing special. Evan is naked there, while I am in my house clothes.

      Yes, I have often spanked him before a milking. I haven't yet spanked him after a milking, but I don't see why not.

      Someday I am going to do what I have read about on a couple of websites: when he is on the bench, I will surround his balls and penis in ice, so that he can't feel anything while being milked. Then he will get no enjoyment whatsoever from the experience (except for the enjoyment that he gets from my dominating him in this way, which is of course substantial).

      Finally, yes, he is the sperm drinker in our family. I used to be (and I didn't mind it at all) but I think it's more fun to have him drink it. He hates it after he has had an actual orgasm. That's the most fun for me: getting him to do it when he doesn't want to. He thinks it's hot beforehand, but not after an ejaculation. It's funny to watch him drink it then: he is disgusted by it! Men are so funny.


  8. This is all so fascinating and exciting for a male like me who craves strict discipline and orgasm control from a loving, dominant wife. Sadly, my Beautiful Bride is not so open minded about this lifestyle but little by little (over the course of many years) i have slowly warmed her up to taking more of the reins in our marriage and she has seen how positive the dynamic can work for us. Someday i hope she will spank me for real but for now i am happy just to enjoy the little playful dominance she has occasionally shown me. i have learned that my submissive nature is more peaked when i am in a state of sexual frustration/denial.

    i have often fantasized about being taken by her with a strap-on for decades but i have learned the hard way that this is something she will just never be comfortable with. i have played with toys and really enjoy the sensation of penetration but only recently discovered the whole phenomenon of prostate milking. i found this article written by Lady Lubyanka to be very informative and thrilling:

    i found Your blog entry on the topic interesting but wonder if You are stimulating Evan's seminal vesicles more than his prostate since you are using a rather long and rigid feeldoe. This article from Mistress Ivey points out that true prostate milking is achieved by massaging only a couple inches inside the rectum in the direction of the belly. That is, only up to the second knuckle of the index finger. Her article is appropriately named, "Reaching Too Far" and can be found here:

    i'm hoping that my Lady will be open to this kind of penetration since strap-on play seems out of the question. i'll be sure to take my time suggesting this. In the meantime, i will soon ask my Lovely Bride if she would be comfortable "forcing" me to consume my own ejaculate. This blog from Dragonfly's Hive on Tumblr speaks volumes about why this works in a FLR:

    Enjoyed your article and glad to see You have embraced Evan's desire to be dominated and that you do so in a loving and caring relationship. Rock on!!

    1. Dear Maid4Suzanne:

      Thank you for a very interesting comment. Yes, it is indeed possible that I am massaging Evan's seminal vesicles rather than his prostate. I don't know enough male biology to know what exactly I am massaging in there. All I know is that when I massage it, a lot of white stuff comes out, which is pretty amazing to see.

      Evan and I had read the article by ladylubyanka (not the one by mistress ivey) and we were a bit dubious of that one, because it talks about the need for the submissive to have the right state of mind before the milk flows, and it argues for conditioning as a way to get this to work better. Maybe she is right, but we were dubious because medical professionals do this, and don't require any mental state on the part of their patients for this to work. So we remain skeptical. But it is very possible that there is another location in Evan's rectal area (his prostate) that I am missing with his massage. I would love to find out some day. Until then, I will keep doing what I am doing, because what I do produces a lot of fluid, which is incredible to see.


    2. Very useful info also here:

  9. Really enjoyed your primer on prostate milking, very educational to say the least. I especially liked that you administered an enema to Evan prior to stimulating his prostate. Can't be anything much more submissive than having an enema administered by your spouse. An interesting continuum of submissive experiences which obviously is very erotic to me. And then being pegged, life is very good for Evan ,

    On another matter do you ever masterb ate Evan prior to a spanking, if your goal was punishment that would certainly increase the sting and mostly remove any sexual feeling from the spanking, just curious.

    Great post !


    1. Thanks, Bob.

      No I have never yet spanked Evan immediately after he ejaculated. Someday, someday...


  10. That is amazing. It really turns me on to get milked myself. Btw he has a gorgeous cock and a really nice circumcision. :)

    1. Dear Anon:

      Yes, Evan's cock is beautiful. I love to touch and suck it too. I used to like to have him ejaculate in my mouth, but I have decided that that is too submissive, so I don't do that anymore. But I still love to touch it and suck it! What a great toy!


  11. Miss Deirdre,

    an awesome post and fab comments. i found it very very educative. i tried a long candle , inch thick on myself and i got an orgasm after about 5-7 minutes of using it question is should i just drip or get an orgasm ? ..was the orgasm mental ? ...i di not touch or stimulate myself in any other way ...

  12. greeetings Mistress , i thought there was a reply to this psot of mine but cant see it ? ...

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  14. There is a guy on xhamster that seems to do this right but he does not respond...

    i think these guys are build different, i tried for 2 years now and i come to a plato with high heart rate and i think im gonna cum but then i go without...

    What effect does a Vasectomy have on the milking process?

  16. my lady as done this for a few years now, I too have to swallow my cum afterwards, for humiliation I am on all fours as I am milked she puts her knickers she as had on all day I have to suck the cum off them