Saturday, September 8, 2012

spanking your man: some advice

Hi all:

On google's blogger, I can see how people have searched in order to find my blog.  Below, I list a few of search strings that people have used to find my blog in recent days.  The ones that I like best are the ones that appear to be a woman searching for information about how to spank her husband.  If you are a woman looking for information on how to spank your husband (possibly because he wants this) I hope you find me, and I hope that what you find here is helpful to you.

Most importantly, try not to judge your husband harshly for having this desire.  It's just how he is wired: he doesn't want to be this way any more than anyone who is gay or straight wants to be gay or straight: they just are that way.  Unlike being straight / gay, it is possible that the need to be spanked is partially determined by his upbringing: maybe he was spanked as a child, and getting spanked was a manifestation of closeness and/or sexuality that grew in him, through no fault of his own.  He is this way, and he will probably always be this way, because things that happen to us in childhood are difficult to change.  So the more understanding of his need you can be, the better.

If he's like Evan, then you don't need to worry about being gentle with him.  A man's bottom is a pretty harmless place to strike him.  If your man is fit and in good health, he can take a good, hard spanking with the back of a hairbrush on his bare bottom.  I recommend using a simple wooden hairbrush or wooden bath brush.  A thick one is better than a thin one: a thin one may break surprisingly easily.  Start slowly: maybe he won't like it as much as he thinks he will.  Start with maybe 10-20 smacks on his bare bottom while he is over your knee.  You may be nervous when spanking him, but he will probably be just as nervous getting spanked by you.  Try to make him feel comfortable, by letting him know that it's ok for him to have these feelings, and that you aren't bothered or threatened by his needs (assuming that this is true).  It may be difficult for you to spank  hard to start: don't worry about this.  Spank as hard or lightly as you are comfortable with, and talk about it after with your man.  He may try to tell you how to do it better (that's called "topping from the bottom"): try not to let this bother you.  He may have some fantasy that he is trying to get you to act out for him.  Tell him that you understand that he has all these fantasies inside him, but if he wants it to be good with *you*, then he will have to let you lead your way, whatever that may be.  Keep in mind that things will grow and change rapidly over the first few times that you spank him.  Don't try to get it "perfect" the first time.  It will grow and be better as long as you communicate well with each other, and as long as you don't try to make each other into something that you're not.  Try to reassure him that you will do your best, but tell him that you will do what's comfortable for you too.

Mostly, I recommend sympathizing with your man: he is opening up to you about his feelings.  Try not to make him feel bad for having them.

Good luck to all of you,

Deirdre

---------

Here are the search strings.  Of course, most of these are probably from men looking for jerk-off material.  There's nothing wrong with that: I hope that many men jerk off to my blog!

how do I spank my husband
how should I spank my husband
how to give a husband a good paddling and spanking
is my husband too old for a spanking
spanking a husband good and hard
spank my man
naughty husband spanking hairbrush
why do women hit their husbands with a hairbrush in public?
taking him over my lap for a spanking
my husband is spanked by his female boss
spank him to tears
I spank my husband
spanked husband(s)
husband(s) spanked
paddle hard blog spanking
spanking pegginghusband spanking
hubby bottoms
her paddle f/m
stinging nettle spanking
punishing my husbands penis
spank my husbandspanking my husband
spank him
deirdre evan bench
deidre evan bench
deirdre spanking
caned husband(s)
husband spanked by womeni think he enjoys being spanked erection
holding dick spank
how to use a dildo for first time in ass
why should I peg my husband
spanking artspanking blog
spank your husband
spanking your husband


27 comments:

  1. Deirdre,

    What you wrote seems very wise and compassionate.

    Michael_Michael

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, MM!

      Always nice to hear from you.

      D.

      Delete
    2. hi deirdre evan is a lucky guy as you said some of us guys are just wired that way i have been getting spanked by females since i was a child my mother her freinds my sisters freinds babysitters even girls that were just freinds we used to play house and they were the mommy i was the little boy they would spank me over there knee so I was basically brought up getting spankings from females over there knees in public places so it became a need for me and it went through adult hood but now I can't find any female's that are open to the idea so all the ladies out there please keep in mind if your men tell you of a need for this please understand there is a reason and it is not always for sexual reasons

      Delete
  2. Deirdre, here is something different for you and Evan to try -

    Explain to Evan that you have a special surprise for him that he is going find more exciting that he can image. Send him to the fabric store to buy a scrap of nice upholstery vinyl that is at least a yard square. When you are ready to ‘help’ him reach a new level of pain driven pleasure, stack two or three pillows in the center of the bed and drape the vinyl over them. Make him strip naked while you tease him rock hard. Have him ‘mount’ the pillow pile with his legs nicely spread and his erection comfortably behind the pillows where you can easily fondle it between his legs if you desire. It is fine if the top side of his erection touches the pillow pile, just make sure the pillows are high enough that his tip is above the bed. If he is not capable of staying put on his own, secure his arms and legs to the bed feet, frame, or headboard.

    You are going to slowly spank him to orgasm while talking to him about what is happening to him and toughing him only a very little. The fist time you try this it may take a little more ‘help’ but he will quickly learn. Pick a nice slapping style toy or two. Make sure they deliver a powerful sting but do little damage as many slaps will be involved, especially on his ‘sweet spots’. My favorite toy is a custom made slapper that has a very flexible shaft with a two inch diameter leather business end. A riding crop will also work, and a fairly lightweight long handled wooden spoon can add a few deep throbs for occasional emphasis. Pick toys you can aim accurately.

    Start on the ‘sweet spots’ with several sharp slaps. Notice how his erection pulses every time you land a swat in that area, and his little head expands at the end of each pulse. Describe to him what you are seeing and how there must be a connection between his cheeks and his joy stick. You will soon notice a clear drop of fluid form at his tip and start to drip onto the vinyl. Explain to him that his spanking appears to be making him ‘cry’. Give him a few extra sharp slaps then stop and reach in with the tips of your fingers and rub his ‘tears’ around just on his little head which will make him squirm trying to get more attention.

    Go back to the spanking and talk to him about how excited his is getting. Tell him to concentrate on how his manhood feels and how it pumps every time you slap him. Emphasize that you have never seen it bulge that big, it must feel like it is going to burst. Vary the spanking, pick new spots that are not red yet, hit the same place ten or fifteen times in a row until he is gasping or pleading then move to the other side and do it again. Spend a lot of time on areas where that you see make him pulse or thrust the most.

    Every time a new ‘tear’ forms, stop and rub it on his little head just long enough to make him want more. Taunt him with ‘or you want more attention, then you need to give me another tear to work with, I guess you need me to spank you a little more’. After awhile he will be begging for more spanking so that he can ‘cry’ quicker. The more verbal encouragement you use the less touching will be required.

    Continue until he explodes or he can’t take it any longer and is pleading and begging you for relief, or you get tired of playing. If you need to, stroke him gently to a climax while asking him how he liked you making him ‘cry’ in the way only a ‘big boy’ can. Chances are he will be asking to ‘cry’ again soon. This simple game keeps you in control but lets him mentally associate the pain with his own pleasure. It gives him a reason he can feel good about begging for your red hot attention while surrendering completely to your discretion on how to balance his pain and enjoyment. As I am sure you have figured out by now, the pain level is totally up to you and he will tolerate much more when he is focused on the pleasure than he can otherwise. Tweak the pain level to keep him almost ready to burst for as long as you want as all the attention turns him on while the pain slows him down.
    Have fun!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Mr. A:

      Thanks for the sexy story! I like sexy stories (as does Evan), especially when the men get a good beating along the way.

      Have you done this yourself? If so, good for you. Are you the giver or the receiver in this kind of scene?

      For me and Evan, I don't think that this will quite work. There are a couple of roadblocks to making this happen. First, Evan really doesn't like getting spanked. I know I have said it before, but it's really true: the process of getting spanked is difficult for him. If I spank even remotely hard, his penis softens, it doesn't harden at all. This means for your process to work, I would have to basically just lightly slap his buttocks with my hand to keep him hard: I would basically just be giving him a massage.

      And this gets to a second difficulty in making this happen for us: I like to spank hard! What gets me excited is the fact that he loves/hates this. I like the local part where he really hates it. I want to make him really feel it, and beg me to stop. (Of course, I won't stop until I am tired, not because he wants me to.) I guess I could just think of this as a way to jerk him off, but I don't think that that will work either. He does sometimes drip penis-juice (pre-cum) but only after (a) a long time without ejaculation; and (b) lots of stimulation. He isn't going to drip penis-juice from a spanking: that's just not how his anatomy works.

      I suppose I could spank and milk him at the same time: that would work. But that's a lot of work on my part. I would need a partner to milk while I spanked or vice versa. Maybe I can get Evan to milk himself while I spank him? That might work. That could be highly entertaining! So maybe I will try this sometime. Not right away however: I have been being generous with ejaculations recently. I will have to wait until he's backed up some more to think about this. But it's a good idea! Thanks for helping me think of this.

      best wishes,

      Deirdre

      Delete
    2. As you imagined, I am the one with the bright crimson bottom when this game ends and I can assure you the spanking involved is much more intense than you are imagining. I am sorry to hear Evan looses his erection easily however I wonder if that is related to the exact spanking he gets. There is pain and there is punishment, what you describe as your favorite style, whether intended or not, sounds more like punishment. The amount something stings depends on the velocity it impacts at and the mass it has. A small mass at high speed produces a tremendous sting. In comparison a hand spanking provides hardly any sting and for me does nothing. Adding mass like a hairbrush and striking with a full swing of your arm hurts a lot but stings very little. Such a spanking evokes a fear response and produces adrenaline, both of which deflate any erection quickly. In comparison a lot of sharp stings, while painful enough to take your breath away, produce endorphins the body’s natural high.

      One of the most wicked toys to endure very long but good at stimulation is easily made with five pieces of small elastic cord (like the little stretchy gold bands that come on fancy candy boxes) about eighteen inches long with a single knot tied in each end, folded in half, and attached to a foot long thin rod handle. When the ends land they feel like many bee stings. The tip of a riding crop has a reasonable sting, the more flexible the shaft the more effective it is. Long handled wooden spoons work but require quickly flicking the wrist. So if the two of you decide to try this adventure, it likely needs a different approach that you may not think you will like, but finding out is half the fun. The real question is did Evan get rock hard reading this story or not. You would be surprised how much begging you can invoke, and the ‘crying’ comes from a natural reaction to extreme excitement and endorphins, not a lack of ejaculation. Anyway it should give the two of you things to think and talk about as you indicated recently your relationship is evolving.

      Delete
  3. Very right on with the post. Come on wives of subby men, give it a try already!

    My favourite search term was "why should I peg my husband".
    Well... duh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "why should I peg my husband?"

      I'll tell you why: because he needs a big penis in his butt.

      But not me: that's for him!

      thanks, Julie!

      Delete
    2. Consider handcuffing or tying his hands behind his back This induces strong feelings of helplessness

      Delete
  4. Thanks for the post. It's great to hear something that is both non-judgmental and practical.

    --Robert

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome, Robert.

      I can actually be judgmental at times, but not about this stuff: sexuality is all different, and all interesting.

      Delete
  5. I love reading about the two of you and your marriage, because what you write is so obviously true, not some fantasy. The fact that Deirdre needs to arouse Evan to get him over the bench is the way it really is. It would be a rare man who would readily bend over and be restrained when he knows from experience how horribly a hard paddling hurts. Those who claim to joyfully submit to restraint are likely to be those who get play-spankings only. Bravo! for telling it like it is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anon:

      Thank you very much for the kind words about my blog, and about our life & lifestyle. I appreciate most all comments very much, especially your kind of comment which invites some discussion.

      The discussion I would like to have is regarding an implicit idea behind what you say above: that all F/M spanking couples are psychologically similar to me and Evan, and to you and your partner. It is true that it is hard to get Evan to submit to a spanking while strapped to a bench (when someone like me wields the paddles). And perhaps you identify with Evan in this situation. But I am sure that there are many men who would submit to such a request without being overtly aroused. They may be either more masochistic in nature (so that they may enjoy the process of being paddled) or they may be more deeply submissive to their mates, such that they will do whatever they are told. My Evan isn't really either of these, and maybe you aren't either. In any case, be careful about generalizing to all others based on small numbers of people, some of which you may identify with better than others. Although I get your point that there are probably many made up things out there on the internet -- people trying sell something for example -- I think that many blogs that may seem less plausible to you may in fact be real or strongly based on reality.

      All the best to you, and thanks for stopping by,

      Deirdre

      Delete
  6. Ma'am,

    As erotic as so many of your posts are, this one is just wonderful, thoughtful and well hot. You continue to amaze but thank you for this intelligent and kind posting. As for jerking off........well........
    Always
    Ron

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ron:

      Thanks for your kind words, as always, Ron. I appreciate it.

      And I am happy that you jerk off to my posts: that's exciting for me. I hope that you always drink your ejaculate when you do so, however. I doubt you will like it, but it's good for the submissive in you to do so.

      D.

      Delete
    2. You are just wonderful ma'am.

      Uh, well no ma'am I have not......yet!

      Always
      Ron

      Delete
  7. I think that you blog was one of the first I found after starting mine. i love that you really know what to do to make a guy who is about to be spanked understand that he is about to get one. I an always looking forward to your next article. the pictures are wonderful. it is plain to see that your ministrations are effective and that evan reacts to prove they are well applied. please do keep up the great work and any ladies out there, read the blog and your spankee husband will be a very happy man.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't think you need any advice -every couple is different- but, in my own experience, I can say that my husband was the one who broached the idea. He was the one who initially has introduced me to spanking (as a recipient!) until we both agreed that 'equal opportunity' was called for!...

    Before long, the pattern was permanently reversed, and I have been happily spanking and whipping him ever since -with no reversal to the 'reciprocal' pattern. Why? Obviously because he (and I) enjoy it more that way -and also (perhaps) because he can deal with it better than I can (or ever could)...

    J.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Anon:

      That story is very similar to ours. Evan first introduced me to the idea of spanking, and I thought I might like to be the recipient. He spanked me hard a few times (maybe 3-4 times), and it hurt so much, even though he only used his hand: I never allowed a paddle or hairbrush. Then I started spanking him, and our roles were finalized: I love to spank him, and I love to do it hard. And he has this love/hate relationship with the process: I can usually get him to submit to a spanking, but then I make him pay for it when he's on the bench or over my lap.

      Thanks for reading,

      Deirdre.

      Delete
  9. Hello Deirdre. It is so nice to see you (and Evan)blogging again. I feel badly that I have let our blog go inactive for so long. It is just hard to find the time and energy. However, you give me motivation. This post and the one from Evan were new and fresh. Barry and I have been in a bit of a rut lately with respect to play time. However, tonight I plan to begin to change some of that. Barry doesn't know it yet, but he is in for long session on the bench, some of which will be fun, some maybe not so fun. There is a also a very large ginger root in the fridge ready to be peeled and shaped. That will be a new experience for him :-).

    Thanks for the two of you sharing in the blog and providing me with some motivation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan!

      It's so great to hear from you. As you know, Evan and I love your blog. I hope that you start up again, but I fully understand if not. Maintaining a blog can be somehow mentally tiring: the rewards aren't as real as for something one does in "real life". Anyway, Evan and I appreciate your and Barry's writing, and we look forward to future entries.

      Regarding the ginger, I think you have lost your element of surprise, as Barry has clearly read my blog, because he commented on the next post of mine. I think it is quite likely that he has read your comment. In any case, I highly recommend the ginger. Evan is a different person with the ginger in place: much much quieter. I gather that there are large individual differences in how much people feel the ginger burn, but I don't think that there can be damage: the ginger is a very weak burn of all spices. So I would tend to ignore Barry's complaints, if he makes any. The first time I figged Evan, he made a big fuss, and I removed the ginger, but later I found out that he was just being a big baby. I have ignored his complaints ever since, and it's been no problem at all. That is, it hurts a lot at the time, but no long term damage whatsoever.

      Good luck, and have fun, Susan. To Barry, I wish lots of well deserved punishment. I know our husbands deserve what they get. They asked for this: it's up to us to make them think twice about asking for things like this.

      Deirdre

      Delete
  10. I said the same thing in reply to one of Barry's comments, but as someone who enjoys reading this blog, and enjoyed reading yours too, I hope you two do get a chance to post. Sounds like some fun times ahead!

    --Robert

    ReplyDelete
  11. Have you ever punished Evan with enemas? Perhaps as a prelude to other punishments?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, I have never punished Evan with an enema. I have given him many over the years, but never as a punishment. I guess I have given him an enema before putting him on the bench a couple of times (where I milked him, or figged him). But the enema has never been a punishment per se. Although it sounds sexy, I worry about doing any serious damage to his insides my making an enema a punishment. I need to keep him healthy for a long long time, so I am not risking any damage there.

      Deirdre

      Delete
  12. I read the story n throughly enjoyed it and all the comments. Being a man myself n my gf sort of spanking me a bit it QUITE a thrill. Not to csuse me to cry (yet) not too hard or too soft. Just enough to get my attention. It was quite the experience n experiment for us both. We both enjoyed it.
    Pj

    ReplyDelete
  13. My husband is spanked with a hairbrush on a regular basis. I never use canes. Our spankings are erotic, not over the top punishment. I always have him in panties and a shirt in the house. At spanking time, he is bent over the couch in his panties. I use a hairbrush and pull his panties Dow during his spanking. When his thighs and rear are a bright red he Gets sent to the corner

    ReplyDelete