Monday, September 17, 2012

A shifting dynamic 2: the ear-pull as a way to bring about submission

Thank you all for your positive response to my last post.  Perhaps I have hit a nerve with many of you submissive men?  Do you all like the idea of your spouse pulling you by the ear when you are misbehaving?  Please answer in the comments section: I want to know what you all think.  I am happy to find out either way: yes or no.

Anyway, the ear-pull works wonders on Evan.  He can be in a foul mood, talking to me in a slightly condescending male way, and now bang, I grab his ear, and say, "Is that any way to talk to your wife?  I don't like it: stop it right now and apologize."  I am shocked to find out that this method *works* on him.  100% thus far: no signs of any rebellion when I grab his ear and twist a bit: no damage, but I make it hurt while I am talking to him.  He of course is much bigger and stronger than me, and he could easily pull away and stop me from doing this, but he allows this without any resistance at all.  This lets me know that I have found a weak point, and I now I plan to take advantage of it.  I can see how it flusters and confuses him: he stutters about being sorry, and then he apologizes, and I let go, and we go back to a more normal state.  I can see that he is strongly affected for a while after this.  It is amazing to see: this big, muscly guy, bent a little sideways, with my ear in his hand, listening intently to my instructions.  I have complete control over him like that, and it turns me on greatly.  More on this below.

For all you wives out there: if your man has said that he wants to be spanked, but then he doesn't obey you when you have a real conflict, I strongly suggest the ear pull.  It probably won't work all the time (what solution is ever perfect?), but so far so good for me.  In situations of true conflict, where Evan is genuinely annoyed over something in real life, the ear-pull has brought him around to good behavior in a matter of seconds.  I am not sure what's going on in his head when this happens, but he becomes a much better person to be around very quickly.

As I mentioned in my responses to some comments, I have already used the ear pull in public situations.  When Evan was acting up a little at the Home Depot the other day, I quickly grabbed his ear and told him to behave and be more respectful to me.  That quieted him down immediately, and he behaved right away, after apologizing.  I don't know if anyone saw, and I don't care.   I am not shy about wanting to be Evan's boss at home.  I am glad that he now wants it.  I am sure I will continue to do this not only in public, but also in front of our friends.  They already know that I am in charge (no secret there: I make it very obvious) so I don't think they will be surprised to see me grab his ear, and tell him to behave.  Probably the only people that I won't do this in front of are Evan's family, who don't really get his subservience to me.  To them, he is an alpha-male.  They don't get how he could do my bidding all the time. But that's ok: they don't have to understand, and I don't have to explain it to them, and neither does Evan.  We can be fine on our own.  I guess I also won't push my new-found control over Evan at his workplace: his bosses can think of him as an alpha-male there too, even though I know different.

In addition to working in normal life, the ear-pull has also worked at home to get Evan over my knee for a paddling, right when I wanted to give it to him, which surprised and elated me.  I had told him that I was going to paddle him last Thursday night, and he agreed.  He often agrees to this kind of a schedule in advance, even on the morning of the proposed event.  But when it comes to getting his pants down that evening, it hasn't always been easy to do.  He would back out, saying that we are both tired, and he is stressed and not in the mood etc., and I would then let him have his way, and let it go.  But not Thursday evening.  We had dinner with a friend of Evan's, and he didn't leave until late, maybe 11pm, and by that time we had shared 2 bottles of wine among the 3 of us.  I am pretty sure that Evan thought he was off the hook when his friend left: after we have a bit to drink, he has always been safe before.  But not on this night.  Once Evan's friend left, I told Evan to get his pants down and into the corner in the downstairs hallway.  I grabbed his ear and put him there, and held his ear until he dropped his pants, while he was standing in the corner.  I normally let Evan do all the cleaning up, but I was really turned on by his submission, so I left him there and told him to think about his behavior this past week, and whether he still deserved a paddling.  I then went to clean up in the kitchen.  I called out to him from the kitchen, asking him whether he was thinking about his behavior, and he responded "yes" quietly.  It was very exciting for me to have him there, pants down, in the corner, doing exactly as I demanded.  I cleaned up for a while, maybe ten minutes, then I took him upstairs for his paddling.  I would have him finish up the cleaning later.


When we arrived upstairs, I asked him if he had been a well-behaved boy this past week, and did he deserve a spanking?  He said that he thought he had been pretty well-behaved, and that he had done all that I had asked, when I asked.  I responded, yes, I agreed with that, but did that mean that he was well-behaved?  He said that he thought so, yes.  I responded that I disagreed.  He was not well behaved at all.  He had talked to me in a rude tone several times, so that I had had to grab his ear or hair and tell him off while this happened.  "Was that good behavior?" I asked.  "No," he agreed, "it wasn't."  It just wasn't.  "So now I am going to paddle you for this.  It's going to hurt, and you are going to deserve it.  But that will be good for you." He still had his pants down, so now I wanted him lying on the bed.  Once again, I grabbed his ear (the solution for everything these days), and dragged him to the bed and had him lie down.  I wanted to paddle him hard without him hurting my legs, which often happens when he squirms while he is lying over top of me.  I told him not to move while he was face down on the bed, or it would be worse.

Then I spanked him with my small heavy wooden purse-paddle (which I now have him call by name: "pursey").   I struck him hard maybe 20 times to start, whereupon he yelled out and complained, and started to roll over.  I told him to stay in position or it would be worse.  I gave him about 10 more hard smacks with this paddle, and he rolled out of position, and put his hands behind him to cover his bottom.  I warned him not to do this or it would be much worse: I had a plan, which I was going to enforce.  Eventually he got back in position, and I smacked him another 10 times or so, and he yelled a lot (what a baby!), rolled sideways, and covered his bottom with his hands.  "All right," I said, "I warned you."  Then I smacked his hands several times, pretty hard, while they protected his bottom.  Pursey the paddle is heavy: she is not to be trifled with.  That got his hands out of the way in a hurry.  And then I smacked the side of his thigh to get him back on his stomach: no more rolling sideways.  That really got his attention.  "Roll back in position," I commanded, "or it will just be worse."  He whimpered, and did what I asked.  I then told him that I was going to give him just 20 more smacks, but they would all be very hard.  If he stayed in position, that would be it: he would be done for the night.  But if he moved away, I would start over.  He made a hell of a racket during these 20, but he stayed in position for the 20.  I really laid on hard: I could tell that a bunch of these smacks were going to bruise him.  That's ok: he can take it.  He was naughty, and this is what he had coming.  He was wailing at the end, but he didn't squirm away too much, so I told him we were done with his paddling, and he had taken it well enough.  I would train him more later.  After prompting, he thanked me and hugged me close.

This was one time that he offered no coaching of me whatsoever: this was my doing, not his.  I think he is now getting what he deserves.

For my part, I was extremely turned on by his submissiveness.  So I had him get a pillow for his knees on the floor, and get to work on licking my pussy.  I came so fast: it was amazing.  It probably took him less than two minutes of his gentle licking on and around my clit to bring me off.  Wow.  I guess it had been a few days since I had last orgasmed, but this was fast.  After calming down a bit, I flipped over, and told him to fuck me deep from behind.  I love the feeling of his thick cock in me, especially from behind, my favorite position.  He hadn't come in a week or so, so I asked if he was close to coming.  He said no, he was safe yet.  I had him fuck me for a minute or two (not long!), and then I said that that was enough: I wanted to keep him hard for a few weeks yet (he still hasn't come yet, four days later (just getting started)), so I didn't want to risk letting him ejaculate that night.  I flipped back over on my back on the bed, and told him to get back to work, licking my pussy again.  It took a bit longer this time, but not much.  Evan later told me that I had come more quickly both the first and second time than he had ever remembered.  I agreed.  For his part, Evan was kneeling on the floor beside our bed, with a big erection, licking away, doing as he was told, for once.  What a turn on for both of us.  I sent him downstairs to clean the rest of the dishes in the kitchen, and then he came to bed with me.  I had him snuggle me from behind with his arms around me in a spooning position: my favorite! I could feel his big erection bobbing and poking me on my bottom.  No relief for you, Evan, not for a while yet.  We are going to try a milking month or two!  And you will listen to me, or I will grab your ear.  Then you will listen to me for sure.

I hope you have enjoyed this story.  It's 100% real life. Yes, I am sure you can tell that I am happy in our life together.

If you are a submissive man, then comment on my blog when you have read this story.  In honor of dominant women everywhere, do as I say.  I will happily grab your ear to make my point.  (If you are a dominant woman, then I would also of course appreciate your feedback, but I only ask you to do so as an equal, not as a dominant.)

Update: Tuesday, Sept 18.  Thank you for all the comments.  I will respond to them all below, very shortly.  Now I understand the way to get submissive men to comment: just tell them to do it.  Duh!  I should have realized that what works on Evan works on you guys.  It's taken me a while to get used to ordering Evan around, but it's easier all the time.  I am a fast learner.

Deirdre.
just getting started (again!).  that one really hurt!

it's so nice that my big man allows me to spank him otk for his misdeeds.

he could get up if he really wanted to, but deep down he knows he needs this.





67 comments:

  1. Ma'am,

    You continue to take us on a trip of amzing relationship and love for your partner. I can not help but comment that your relationship is just an inspiration to all of us. I will comment, not being laid over a lap but to lay on the bed, it is so hard to take a long hard paddling. I love the contact of being over a lap but I will say that I take less of a spanking when I am not over a knee. However I would have taken what your delivered no doubt.

    As for your sexual play, wow, I would be honored to orally stimulate a lady after being paddled but wow, to enter you but not cum; now that is torture and then to cuddle, wow! Your husband is a real and true man, amazing.

    Very erotic and yes ma'am no doubt I will pleasure myself to this story, but we have already spoken about that one. Just hot as hell..

    Thank you
    Always
    Ron

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    1. Dear Ron:

      Yes, Evan prefers to be over my lap for a spanking too, but he is too big for me sometimes: he is too strong and he squirms too much. If he learns to stop squirming, maybe I will take him back over my knee again.

      Regarding Evan's not coming: he is getting used to this. We have been playing with no-orgasms for him for a long time. He has gone up to 3 or 4 weeks sometimes without coming. (after that, there is often a period where he comes approximately 3 times per day for a few days!). But as the strict wife, I have decided to take charge of his ejaculations. I think this will be fun. I hope he can adjust so he can do his work without thinking about sex all the time. We will see how it goes over the long run.

      And regarding "pleasuring yourself", please go for it. In honor of me, please don't ejaculate for at least 3 days, and then when you masturbate to my stories, aim the come into a shot class. And then, you guessed it, drink up please. What's good for Evan can be good for you too.

      Deirdre

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    2. My lady Deirdre,

      Well first off we need to teach Evan to be still on your lap; I understand the dilema but being on your lap is a priveldge and he needs to understand that completelty, otk is so under rated, so Evan be still and take the spanking.

      That is just so hot but I do admire Evan for having the discipline to hold back, seeing what I see of you, wow, I would cum very easily. I do appreciate your training him, ma'am but wow cna not be easy. I do admire him as well of course as you, ma'am.

      I did already ma'am, sorry......but I do note your instructions so will respond say on Sunday, ma'am! Yes if Evan can, I will, promise.

      Thank you for being so wonderful and so dam hot.

      Always
      Ron

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    3. Dear Ron:

      Thank you for following my instructions. Please take a photo of the shot glass full of your liquid, and email it to me. Ideally I would also like a photo of your mouth containing said liquid as well. Make sure you swallow. It's good for you.

      Deirdre

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    4. Well ma'am, sorry I did not meet the deadline, but Thrusday will be a good night, will do as told. Sorry for the delay.
      Ouch!
      Always
      Ron

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    5. But I did taste some this week, drippings so I tried.
      Always
      Ron

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    6. Ron:

      Please don't respond again until you have waited *3* full days without masturbating. That's 72 hours with no ejaculation. Once this time has passed, then please shoot into a shot glass, and take a picture and send it to me. Don't do something different: I want 3 days worth in the shot glass, and your word that you drank it all.

      As Julie notes, you guys are like monkeys with all your masturbating. Not that is bad: you're just like monkeys.

      D

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  2. Ms. Deirdre,

    What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I love the fact that you named your purse paddle "pursey."

    You both do seem to be embracing a much more dominance and submission aspect to your relationship. Responding to your dominance does seem to run deep in Evan. Is it fundamentally an issue of an emotional fulfillment for him? For you, is it primarily about power, or is there also an enhanced sense of connection for you with Evan? (I apologize if this is too personal of a question.)

    I don't know why having one's ear pulled signals such a strong submissive response in some of us, but I can say that it does.

    Have fun!

    Michael_Michael

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    1. Dear MM:

      Yes, we'll see if Evan remembers pursey's name. Then again, we'll see if I remember it...

      Yes, we are doing more dominance and submission now. I don't why Evan enjoys being dominated by me, the strict wife: he says it gives hims some peace, like he doesn't think about life as much while it's going on. For me, I am naturally dominant / demanding anyway (I am usually right about most things, and I know it), and I like things *my* way. So it's a natural for me. I also want Evan to be happy. So in one sense, I am doing this for him, but it's the kind of thing I would like to do anyway: I just wouldn't have believed that anyone would want to be treated the way I now treat him. People are so interesting.

      I guess, yes, I am also closer to him too, because he seems to be happier, which brings us both together some more.

      We will most certainly have fun! thanks for reading and commenting (even though I ordered you to do that).

      Deirdre

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  3. I have been grabbing L. by his ear for years - and in different circumstances. The most common occurrence is for me to lead him to the place where I want to spank (or whip) him, and this may involve his having to go to the closet where I keep my "tools" and fetching the instrument of my choice. With his ear still firmly twisted, he then must lower his pants (and underpants) to expose his backside before being finally (and firmly) marched to the site where he will get his comeuppance...

    After he has been duly chastised (and has properly thanked me for it) , I may again grab his ear to lead him to the spot where he will be required to serve some "corner time" -while snuffling up his tears.

    I have also used the "ear pull" (with no other immediate follow-up, of course) as a reminder or as a warning in some public places, as well as under the eyes of my sister or of some of my (women)friends -all of whom are aware of -or have actually witnessed- the way I deal with L's misdemeanors!

    J.

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    1. Hi J:

      Thanks for the comment! I guess I will be like you in a few years, with more experience at this ear-pull / ear-march thing. But I imagine I will eventually start punishing Evan in front of others. It certainly wouldn't bother me, and it would push his limits in cute ways, making him nervous and stuttery. We'll get there.

      Deirdre

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    2. If, and when you decide to have one of your friends watch Evan being spanked, try to ascertain that they won't be blabbing to others about it (unless, of course, you wish the story to spread!)

      In our case, confidentiality has never been breached (at least, to the best of my knowledge) but I must confess that I am somewhat ambivalent about this: part of me probably wishes to inspire other women to be more assertive while not making L. an object of ridicule...

      J.

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    3. Where are you guys located? Maybe we can visit with you sometime. Drop me an email sometime if this might be possible.

      Best wishes,

      Deirdre

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  4. The ear-pulling doesn't appeal to me. My own preferences lean away from the "domestic discipline" side of things. Nonetheless, it is still interesting to hear about the evolution of your and Evan's dynamic.

    --Robert

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    1. Hi Robert:

      Thanks for responding, even if you don't like the ear-pull as much.

      But you are a good boy for responding to my question, as requested. Someone should reward you with a spanking for that. (You boys have such funny needs!)

      Deirdre

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  5. A nice account of how you are bringing your hubby back under control and making him responsive to your demands. The ear pulling is a novel solution for instant obedience. When my wife wants to pull me up short it is usually with a "look". I am not sure if I should tell her about ear pulling. I think it would have benefits in the home and particularly when being removed from the corner, but it might be a bit difficult to cope with in public.
    Look forward to reading more.

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    1. Dear Michael M:

      I think it is clear that you want to tell your wife about ear pulling. What is her email? Does she read my blog? Send me her email, and I will tell her about ear-pulling myself. You know you want and need it.

      Deirdre.

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  6. A commenter on my bog made a casual reference to "ear marching" and I really just loved the concept the moment I read that phrase and tried it ASAP with david. I have found it works wonders. It's like an on/off switch for submissives! Ha Ha!

    I have not yet tried the ear pull in public, but I think it's a genius thing to do. A spanking is way too sexualized in our society. A spank in public does let people know who is likely dominant in bed, but people will assume it's sexual play in public (which is not always appropriate). An ear pull on the other hand just plain lets everybody know who's in charge, period.

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    1. Julie:

      Where have you been, girl?

      Yes, "ear-march" is another great term for this. I think we should trademark it now. I did a google search and not much shows up. This is the time to take over the new word.

      hugs to you,

      Deirdre

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  7. Diedre,
    Great blog! I'd like to hear more about how you boss Evan around.
    How is this apparent to friends. Does he have domestic chores? Do your friends see this also? Any financial domination? BD

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    1. Hi BD:

      Well, I just tell him what to do, and he does it. That's pretty much it. So everyone knows who's in charge in our family. And he does all the chores: cooking, cleaning etc. Except when I want to (which happens often: I like to look after my own clothes, for example). Once in a while someone will see the paddle in my purse (which I am now calling "pursey") and they will ask what's that, a broken hairbrush? No, silly, it's a paddle that I use to spank my husband. People don't know how to respond to that. I think they mostly think I am kidding. (Who would do such a thing as spank their spouse?!?)

      Financial domination? Like getting him to pay for stuff? I am not a pro domme: I am Evan's wife! So our finances are all joined up. We each have access to whatever we need. I mostly have him deal with the finances because it's a pain, and because he always has. He's a pretty independent self-sufficient guy: he can do anything I need him to.

      Deirdre

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  8. Dear Deirdre,

    Just a few quick thoughts to better keep Evan in check while causing you less discomfort...

    Try sitting on the edge of the sofa, so the weight of his torso is supported by the cushion, and not your legs.

    Pin his right arm up behind his back, and by that I mean ALL the way up, where he's aware that if you wanted to you could do him some harm. It will do wonders in keeping him still.

    While spanking, have him point his toes with the top of his feet resting on the floor. This way he can't really push off and won't squirm nearly as much.

    To answer your question, yes, ear pulling is great, because it's a way of physically controlling your man. Another technique is to reach into his pants, encircle his balls, and slowly squeeze them as you lock your eyes on his and lecture him on what he did wrong.

    Best,

    Jake

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    1. Hi Jake:

      Yes, I am working on ways to make it easier to spank Evan over my knee. We mostly do it on the bed or a big ottoman, such that he is not resting directly on top of me. Regarding me holding his arm, it's a lot harder than it sounds. He is 6'2" 230, and really really strong. I am 5'5", 110 or something, and frankly quite weak. My hands are too small to hold his wrists, and he is too strong, even when twisted like that for me to hold him. So either I have to tie him up (which I have done: I use handcuffs or wrist ties) or I put him on the bed or the couch, or (easiest for me) I strap him to the bench.

      Regarding pointing his toes, we do that: please read my first couple of posts on the topic from 2+ years ago! I learned that one from Evan: he saw it in a video, and commented how the submissive man didn't move so much, and so I picked up that tip very quickly. I am always telling Evan to uncurl his toes and relax his legs.

      Grabbing his balls: great idea in principle, but practically way worse than grabbing the ear: the ear is out there, ready for action. His balls are in his pants: too much time to get them out. I don't know if he'd let me put my hand in his pants when he is annoyed. But he lets me grab his ear. It's probably to quick to do anything about it.

      Thanks for your comments and suggestions! Keep commenting.

      Deirdre

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  9. Not crazy about the ear pulling, and I prefer OTK as being a bit more submissive than a spanking on the bed. I do like the submissiveness and the life style you've developed.

    Keep up the good work !

    Bob

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    1. Thanks for responding, Bob. It's interesting to hear the range of opinions here.

      Yes, otk is better than on the bed, but on the bed is what we did, and truth is better than fiction (in my opinion).

      Thanks for the positive comments, and for reading my blog. And thank you for obeying my demand (that you comment).

      Deirdre

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  10. Evan is a very lucky but naughty boy and deserves all the attention you can give him. Lying with your pants and underpants pulled down over a woman's knees put you in a calm yet exciting frame of mind. The being spanked OTK and made to stand in the corner heightens the feeling.

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    1. Dear little boy:

      Yes, I plan to do a lot more corner time with Evan than I have in recent years: I haven't been using that to my advantage enough.

      Yes, Evan is lucky. But so am I. He has so many valuable talents, and I love him to the end of the world.

      Deirdre

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  11. I believe if there were more women like my mama and yourself then there would be less problems in this world. Women who take their naughty husbands to task very often are maligned and reviled by this sexist male dominated world we live in. I don't often get my ear pulled, but when I do then I know I am in big trouble. Mama doesn't often spank me but when she does it is severe and like any naughty boy I am crying long before she decides I have been spanked sufficiently. It causes the most excruciating pain and is enough to quell the most rebellious outburst. Another weapon in her arsenal is the use of corner time, namely me standing in the corner my hands on top of my head to prevent me rubbing my burning bottom. The threat of a follow up punishment with the bath brush on top of a session with the paddle deters me from even attempting to rub my bottom. Mama also traps me over one knee while the other leg goes over the back of mine I cannot move in this position and am there for the duration, all I can do is plead for the spanking to stop, however I know it will only stop when mama decides.
    We have been together for nearly 40 years, she has only spanked me for the last two years.

    Mario

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    1. Dear Mario & mom:

      I don't know why you think that "women who take their naughty husbands to task very often are maligned and reviled by this sexist male dominated world we live in". That hasn't been my experience so far. So far, anyone who finds out that I spank / control Evan (vanilla or not) says "you go, girl" or something like that. Maybe that's because he is so much bigger than me, so people know that we both must like it this way: there is obviously no way I could genuinely bully him. (sometimes I think that this is too bad, but there are obvious advantages too.)

      Maybe in the cases you are thinking of, the woman bullies her man and he really doesn't want it. I think we can all agree that that's no good: that's no better than a man bullying a woman. Bullying is bad if the person being bullied doesn't want it.

      It seems clear that you like to be paddled by your wife. So there's no problem there. Good luck to you, and keep on commenting. Thank you for following your instruction to comment.

      Deirdre

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  12. a very good story and a extremely good paddling. I al most felt sorry for Evan but i realized that he can avoid such by just behaving himself. the sex seemed exciting and very real. Evan must really appreciate your attention and love you as he knew all he would be able to do is please you on this evening. he showed great restraint which shows the control you have. I loved the post and also the pictures. Thank you Ms Deirdra for such a good post.
    Tommy

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    1. Dear Tommy:

      First, thanks for following your instruction to comment. Good boy.

      Evan loves to be controlled, so not letting him come was heaven for him. He's got a complex mind, but I think I get him now. His penis wants to squirt, but his mind wants his penis to stay hard and not squirt (and Evan doesn't want to admit this either, making things more complex). In any case, I am siding with the deep desires in his mind. Naughty penis! No squirting for you.

      Deirdre.

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  13. Being a switch maybe I should not be responding here, but I love the way you have learned to completely dominate Evan. I also love the way you get turned on by dominating and spanking him, in its own way that is quite a compliment to Evan. But even more a compliment to you, there are so many of us men who would love to have a woman respond that way when they spank us..... Evan is a very lucky guy!

    HUGS,
    Dave

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    1. Hi Dave:

      The submissive in you responded. That's a good boy.

      Yes, it really turns me on to see him genuinely submissive and confused, doing what I say. That just drives me wild. This big man acting like a confused kid. So hot!

      Yes, Evan is lucky, but so am I.

      Deirdre

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  14. The ear pull sounds great to me, my Wife has done that a few times, and it get my attention immediately.

    Always enjoy reading your blog!!

    james

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    1. Thanks for responding, James. Good boy. I hope you get your wife to reward you with a hard spanking, and some corner time. Maybe an hour, with you pants down to ankles, bare bottom on display, please. Hands on head, no moving. If you move at all, we'll start over, so be still.

      Deirdre

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    2. Dear Ms. Deirdre,

      I have responded several times in the past but to avoid being confused with other "Anonymous" persons, I will identify myself as "obedient_hubby."

      As I have said before, several years back and again recently, your and Evan's reports are so real, compared with so much of what is on the web. My situation is somewhat like yours was until recently -- that is, without restraints spanking consequences are inherently consensual, because the worst arguments don't get settled by spanking until they are settled otherwise, and then sometimes a spanking happens because I have by then already apologized and admitted fault. Sometimes, I have admitted fault when I didn't feel at fault, then gotten paddled, but more as a ritual way of reconciliation than as a direct consequence of the argument, or a way to establish my guilt and punishment when it was still in dispute. My dear wife will get past being angry with me even if the spanking is not a harsh one -- it is the act of doing it that heals the rift. I hope that makes sense. Another thought I can't help but have, in light of your recent posts, is that this ear-pulling seems to be moving in the direction of using ear-pulling to get Evan over the bench, without the arousal and reward dynamic you recently mentioned in the context of the bench. Since it puts him in submissive mode so effectively, I am guessing that the time will come when he gets taken directly to the bench by his ear. I admire his strength, to submit as he does, and if he will go to the bench in the middle of an argument, he will be a true hero. Keep up the posting; we all love every detail you are kind enough to share.

      All the best,

      O.H.

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    3. Dear OH:

      Thank you very much for the thoughtful response.

      Yes, I plan to use ear-pulling to get Evan on the bench when I want to do that. I will write about that when we get around to it. For now, he has still been 100% compliant with my wishes when I grab his ear. This meant he got another spanking last night. He wasn't really misbehaving too much: I mostly just wanted to spank him, and so I made up a reason, and spanked him. (Not too long, but pretty hard. His reactions were great.) I like the bench a lot, but for now, I am enjoying the power of spanking him immediately when I choose, without any overhead of setting up the bench (which takes a few minutes on either end).

      I think he will submit to a bench spanking whenever I say under the new regime. But we'll see. If he does, I will make sure to tell him that he is a "true hero" in your book.

      All the best to you too,

      Deirdre

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  15. A very articulate story, Ma’am, you painted quite an image. I can only speak for how it would make me feel, but I believe the ear pulling/march breaks down the male ego and that’s why you get the results that you do. It’s not much different than being placed over a knee, scolded like a child, or being made to stand in the corner. Being subjected to any of these elicits the man-child in me that lurks just below the surface. I would guess I’m not much different that most men who have a “need” (not to be confused with a “want”), for this unique and very specific form of BDSM. It is as if there are two distinctly different personas within me that are in constant conflict with each other; the self-reliant, strong Alpha male, that everyone else sees; and the child-like persona that needs loving, caring domestic discipline – “hard love” if you will. Tugging on a grown man’s ear removes some of the male bravado, thus, allowing the man-child to surface. Score: Man-child, 1, Alpha, 0. Why, some have this inner child-like persona while others don’t is a complete mystery to me. I guess it’s just the way we are wired, similar to why some people are straight while others are gay. It is what it is. I can only say with certainty that the more I am truly treated like a naughty boy, the more the Alpha retreats and the easier it is for the man-child to surface (and ear pulling definitely does not cater to the Alpha ego). When this happens and it’s REAL (vs. role playing), it creates a loving bond between the submissive man and the dominant woman like nothing else can. And, it’s that BOND that I am ultimately after. I don’t have a PhD in psychology; I am only speaking from my point of view.

    Thank you for posting your story, Ma’am. I recently subscribed to your blog as I find the relationship between you and Evan to be very similar to what I hope to be engaged in in the not too distant future. Best of luck to you and Evan.

    KNB

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    1. Dear KNB:

      Thank you for the thoughtful response. I also wonder about the source of Evan's need to be taken in hand. I have my doubts that it's an innate bias: this doesn't seem like a trait that is likely to be innate. Therefore, I think it's more likely that it was learned at a very young age. We should keep in mind that habits and behaviors that are learned at a very young age are probably close to impossible to unlearn. So a learned behavior from early childhood will probably be with you forever. This is where I think Evan's behavior comes from: his strict mother. But that's ok with me: I am happy to be Evan's strict wife.

      Good luck to you in your potential relationship. If I might offer some advice, it's good to let your partner know your interests and needs relatively early on. In conveying these needs, make sure that you talk about you and not her. These are your needs not hers. If she doesn't want to participate, you'd probably be wise in not pushing too much. She will know what's best for her.

      Good luck, and keep me informed.

      Deirdre

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  16. I've got to say I do admire your very strict, no messing ways. I'm not a fan of the ear pull but I can see it's benefits. Like Michael M, I'm brought up short in public when Mistress gives me 'the look.' She doesn't even need to say anything but my stomach is already squirming knowing I'm in trouble. I'm not sure I could cope with being pulled aside with an ear-pull in public but if Mistress decided to adopt such a method, then would I have any say in the matter? Far better to have respectful discipline than the kind of blazing rows you often see when out shopping! By the way, I also admire your disciplinary methods. For the intensity of paddling you gave Evan, I'd have to be restrained. I'm such a wimp.

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    1. Dear RM:

      I think it's good for submissive men like Evan and you to be put in your place. An ear-pull is a perfectly acceptable public social behavior: while you might not always like it, it's for your own good (and I am serious here).

      Where's your wife? Is she on email, and does she read my blog? If so, please send me her email. I would be happy to offer some advice about how to help her look after you with a little tighter reign.

      Regarding getting spanked hard, I only spank as hard as Evan can take. He whines a lot, but he needs it hard, somewhere deep inside. It sounds like you would like to be restrained for a spanking. That can be fun for the domme. But your wife may not be comfortable with that. That's purely up to her of course. In any case, I doubt that she would be offended by grabbing your ear in public. That, you both deserve.

      Deirdre

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  17. Richard here -
    Yours is an extremely helpful website, and thank you for all the hard work you do, putting it together!

    I preparing to humbly read your site to my wife from the beginning, and am only half-way through, so forgive me if you've already answered this:

    We can afford a spanking bench like yours, but we worry about stowing it where visitors won't see it, and we wonder about the time required to assemble and disassemble it before and after each use. Does the assembly/disassembly "time cost" detract from the spontaneity? Also, how satisfactory are the straps that came with the bdg bench?

    Sincerely,
    Richard

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    1. Dear Richard:

      Thank you for the response to my post. Such eloquent and well-behaved readers, we have here.

      Regarding your question about our bench, we keep it fully assembled in our office, in the corner. The straps are kept separately, so it just looks like an odd bench there. We have had several questions about it. Evan tells people that it's a relic from my gymnastics past (ha!). I tell people who ask not to ask too deeply, because you might find the answer surprising. People stop asking when I say things like this (because they know I can be very open, and they don't want to pry in my and Evan's private affairs).

      As for quality, we have been very happy with this bench. The straps are still pretty much as we bought them several years ago. Everything is good quality. And it doesn't take much time to set up: a few minutes. Once strapped in, Evan is truly at my mercy. He can't do anything until I release him.

      Deirdre

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  18. Hi Deirdre

    Thanks for the post, informative and interesting. I am not sure how I would react to the 'ear march', particularly in public. My first thought would be to react against it..but could see how it could produce instant submission. Would I submit to it? Yes, if it was my wife who did it! Would she do it.. probably not right now, (so I am safe for the time being).

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    1. Dear Anon:

      Does your wife rule you at home? Does she spank you? This is what you want, isn't it? (Otherwise, why are you here?)

      If you are submissive, I bet you would submit to the ear-pull. But I haven't seen enough other couples in action to know how good my estimate might be.

      Deirdre

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  19. Well you told me to comment - so I'm commenting... :)

    I guess we're all spankophiles here so it's no surprise that we enjoy these insights to your life together, but for me, what I am really enjoying seeing is your emerging dominance. It is great that you see your rightful position as the Head of the Household and that you expect (and insist upon!) obedience from your husband. To me that is how it should be.Even if you never spanked Evan again (which would be a shame!) or never told us about his spankings (also a shame!) I would still be delighted to hear about your life in charge. A true Female Led Relationship! I wish we could clone you!

    Respectfully

    Steve T

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    1. Dear Steve:

      Good boy. Good for following instructions.

      I would certainly be happy with more bossy dominating women around like me. I am not sure how many submissive men there are out there, however. I am glad to have found the one I did. I am sure that there are lots of others like me out there: they may not know they can get what they can (a submissive boy), so they may not be looking for that yet.

      Deirdre

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  20. Hi Deirdre -

    I just read your post about the ear-pulling - my husband found it today on your blog and saved it for me to read because he said it totally reminded him of me, and he laughed out loud! I am a spanking wife as well, and from the way you describe your progress on this journey, I think we have traveled the same road. I can't remember when I started pulling his ear, but it is such a natural response now to his errant behavior, I never even think consciously about it, I just do it. And yes, in public! We live in Las Vegas, he likes to play nickel slots on occasion, and I have definitely pulled that ear right there, with the "eye in the sky" watching...I hope those guys up in the booth get a kick out of it. My husband HATES the ear pulling, it really hurts, and boy does it stop him in his tracks. So glad to know it is working so well with Evan too.

    I also really enjoyed your account of the paddling. It was really well written, I could see it all unfold just as you described, and you sure pushed all the right buttons to get him into that wonderful mindset where you could manipulate the entire event exactly as you desired. Awesome!

    Hisboss

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    1. Dear Hisboss:

      Thank you for the kind words! It's so nice to hear from other strict wives. Yes, Evan already hates the ear-pull, because, as you say, it hurts, and it's embarrassing. Good for me on two counts. It's going to be with us for a while. I don't know why I didn't find this sooner.

      Keep up the good work! If we ever come to Vegas, how do we find you?

      Deirdre


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    2. Deirdre, We would love to meet up with you 2 if you ever come to Vegas.

      Send an e-mail to Hisbossus@yahoo.com whenever you are in our area.

      HB

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  21. Hello Deirdre

    I loved the idea. I used used the ear-pulling on my husband on occasions, although never in public. But it is certainly a very effective method to bring a submissive to discipline immediately, regardless of the place or occasion.
    My slave husband tends to get nervous when he drives and sometimes lashes at me. I'll be sure to pull his ear the next time, to calm him down!

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    1. Dear Mistress M:

      Yes, Evan is an angry driver at times. I am going to change that. At least, I will change his habit of swearing at bad drivers (no matter if they are at fault or not). His right ear and hair above his ear will suffer, but he will learn quickly, I bet.

      Thanks for the comment!

      Deirdre

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  22. I really enjoyed your story. I am submissive sexually to my wife, Paula. So far no spanking although I've hinted that I'd like her to. Our activity revolves around tease and denial, foot pampering and worship, and embarrassments such as putting me in panties and an apron and having an evening of serving her. I think the ear pulling would me very effective as sometimes when she wants to control or dominate my male ego rears up and having my ear pulled might quiet me quickly. One thing she does do that has a similar effect is grab my nose (she does this with her toes too and it makes me totally weak and excited) with her fingers, squeezing and holding and I pretty much become mush when she does this. I'm going to hint at the ear march though...

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    1. Dear Bobby:

      Tease and denial is pretty good, so have fun with that. Have your wife read my blog to see if anything else appeals to her. The ear-pull doesn't need to be sexualized so she should be ok with that. (Although if you boys are like Evan, will get a boner from it. I hope she doesn't mind that: that's a win-win in my book.)

      Good luck with getting her to spank you. If she needs some coaxing, I can try to convince her that you won't break: all naughty boys need sound beatings, far beyond what they think they want, in my opinion. As long as you aren't a true masochist, then this isn't hard to do: boys can think they want to be spanked hard but then not realize what they are getting into. That's when it's most fun for the domme.

      Good luck with everything, and thanks for the comment.

      Deirdre

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  23. Well this is a new one, being told to comment! And how could I do otherwise in the circumstances.

    Deirdre, I will join the long line of men (pun there) who are, when they need it, taken by the ear. k has been doing this since the very early days, at fist as an effective way of marching me off for a spanking - up to the bedroom, towards a selected chair or off to the corner afterwards, and not necessarily because I was not co-operating but as a way of establishing control and emphasizing that there was nothing I could do but take my spanking. The beauty of an ear grip is that it does not have to be rough, a gentle pressure of thumb and forefinger is all it needs, its the implied threat of a more forceful grip if you pull away that makes it work so well.

    More lately K has ventured into using it in public, not in an obvious way but like you do, as a subtle reminder that I'm stepping out of line, or a secret signal that I've crossed the line and can expect my pants down later. A seemingly affectionate caress of the hand on the back of the neck , an arm draped over my shoulder, both place her hand inches from the ear and all it takes is a quick flick of the wrist and the point is made without anyone noticing. Its not to say one day she wont march me across the car park by the ear if I deserve it but at the moment it works very well in public as a discreet method of control, and a not so discreet way of marching me to the corner with my pants down in private!!!

    thanks for kicking off this stimulating exchange, do keep it up.

    R

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    1. Dear R:

      It's been a long time! It's nice to hear from you. I see that you agree with most of the boys here: most of you submissive boys are suckers for the ear-march / ear-pull. It's so good to know. K was wise to use this on you early. I think of all the time that I have wasted not knowing this, where I could have had Evan doing what I wanted, pants-down in the corner, etc. It was all just a quick motion with fore-finger and thumb away. Ah well, no use worrying about lost time. There is so much time to do what I was clearly meant to do.

      I don't see the need for privacy in this act, except as I said earlier in a comment, probably not at Evan's work or in front of his family. Otherwise, I will do it whenever he misbehaves. Then we will both be happy.

      My best to you. Please ask K to give you a sound spanking with a hard paddle in honor of me and Evan, for no reason whatsoever. Just to see if she would like to.

      Deirdre

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  24. Dierdre- My wife has not done the ear pull with me, but I think it would be *very* effective!
    Picturing you doing this with Evan in public and w/friends... oh man.
    Sounded like a nice session w/him here... even if he didn't agree!

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    1. Dear SS:

      He has handed over the reigns, and I now have total control, when I want it. So I will grab his ear in public when he is naughty. So far, he has been generally very well behaved: I haven't needed to do much public ear-grabbing yet.

      Deirdre

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  25. Hi Dierdre - i am SO SUPER glad that you are posting again, even if for a short time. I am a submissive hubby/Alpha male supervisor at my job. My lovely Wife has been spanking me for the past 13 years - the past 8 years, EXTREMELY HARD. Our spanking relationship has flourished WONDERFULLY. So much so that She actually spanks me in front of 2 of Her friends. She also allows them to spank me as She looks on, and shoots video footage of them. They even have spanking parties where all THREE of them play spanking games on my lucky bottom.

    We also have practiced orgasm teasing and denial for the past 7 years. We use a CB-2000 male chastity device. I am currently on day 5 of a 3 week stretch of no cumming for me.

    It's so awesome that you bring up the "ear march" as She and i were JUST discussing Her grabbing my ear in context of our spanking sessions, and in front of Her friends for our next spanking party (in three weeks). I have NO DOUBT that it will eventually move into public places, except in front of our kids - for obvious reasons. I am really excited about this! You and Evan are SO hot! I'm just as lucky as Evan is!

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    1. Hi Jason:

      Well, let's see how long I last this time. I hope that I keep posting a bit longer than on previous occasions.

      Wow, it sounds like you have a fun situation worked out. Have your wife write to me if she would like to meet sometime (assuming we are ever in your area). That would potentially be interesting and fun for me (and Evan, sort of).

      Best wishes,

      Deirdre

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    2. Thanks for the reply! We live in Chicago

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  26. I only comment sometimes, and would have commented on this one even if I had not been ordered to do so, because there is one thing I would like to say: It is not a weakness in the ear that makes Evan surrender to your ear pulling. It is the power you exude when you do it. When you grab his ear, you are displaying your authority and exercising your power at the same time, and for a submissive man, this is a sure win.

    Good luck to the both of you.

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    1. Dear Vs-boy:

      I think you are exactly right. Thanks for the astute observation.

      Deirdre

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  27. Dear ma'am,

    I am so glad I found this blog, I am reading back through your posts and commenting; I hope you don't mind the deluge of comments.

    The ear pull and twist is quite common in India as punishment for kids. I was brought up and live in India, so I experienced it as a kid. Teachers have greater latitude to punish kids in India than in USA, and most common punishments is to grab and twist year, or to strike hands with cane.

    As you know, I am now in a submissive relationship with a Bengali woman who used to work as my maid servant (I affectionately call her 'bua'). In addition to regular spanking and caning, I get my ears twisted all the time. Usually it's a prelude to greater punishment.

    Once though, I was seated at my table working on something, and my bua needed something from under the table and she needed me to get up. She entered the room, grabbed me by the ear, twisted it, and then pulled me by the ear so I had to stand up. Leading me by the ear she made me move to one side. Then she got whatever she needed from under the table and went away. The whole incident happened without any words and I was very turned on.

    Usually though, as a submissive man while I want my ear pulled and twisted, when it actually happens its quite painful and I wished I didn't do something to get the punishment. It's also humiliating to know that the punishment isn't just this - I will soon be lying over her knees for a spanking.

    My bua has been discrete though - she hasn't punished me in public (this is still India). No one knows much about our life style and I use proxies when I surf and comment. But I think I would love it if my bua spanks me in front of another woman.

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  28. Dear Mistress Deirdre
    It was very exciting to read your experiences about ear pulling that we have a group regarding with it. We love strict women when they drag their men by the ear.

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